Asparagus: Aroused By Spring

Spring is like Viagra for vegetables and fruits.

Did I really just say that?

Asparagus and GiGi

OH YES, YES I DID.

GiGi with Asparagus

And maybe I should warn you right now that this post and video get a little INAPPROPRIATE… So if you cannot handle it, you might want to just leave right now.

Exit sign

But anyways, back to my original comment.

IT’S TRUE!

Produce tends to go from this

GiGi holding limp asparagus

To THIS

GiGi holding erect asparagus

The second it feels the warmth from the sun’s rays and it hears the chirps from birds arriving back after their winter vacations at one of the many ClubMeds.

Bird on vacation

This is just phenomenal… Much like Viagra is for some

Borat

Because now we can once again experience pure bliss.

happy dog

Mouthtastical bliss, that is! (I know what you were thinking!)

Raise your hand if you missed fresh, long, firm and erect asparagus?

Single asparagus stalk

Me too!

Well to celebrate it’s return, I created “Asp-ecial” VIDEO about the mighty stalk… And a certain actor’s… Ahem. Check it out!

And to further celebrate SPRING’S……… Erection, okay, really, I have to stop, I would love it if all of you would LINK UP to your favorite spring-time recipes!

SO TELL ME…

  • Have you ever been to a ClubMed? Do you even know what a ClubMed is?
  • Have you heard the rumors about the actor I mention in the video?
  • What is your favorite SPRING TIME vegetable?
  • What two produce (fruit/vegetable) do you wish would have sex and make a baby?
  • What are your favorite phallic-shaped fruits and vegetables?
  • Have you ever FENCED with asparagus? 
  • Anyone else think Taylor Swift looks a little like an asparagus spear?

Asparagus tips

FAVOR: I am in the running (1 of 3!) to be the voice of Ken Baker’s (E! News Host) main character in his new book! In order for me to WIN… I would ADORE IT if you could ALL TWEET .@KenBakerNow #HowIGotSkinny GiGi @dubagee — You can tweet this as much as you want until March 23 at 6PM PST!! 

Linked to: Tasty Tuesday, Fit Tip Tuesday, Tuesday’s Table (I’m featured!!), Waste Not Want Not, Healthy Tips & Tricks Tuesday,

Comments

  1. I love asparagus, but grew up hating it … enter awful canned asparagus. We actually tried to grow asparagus. It takes several years to establish and we never got more than 1 or 2 tiny stalks at a time. Ok, asparagus is back on my grocery list!

    • I could definitely imagine Asparagus hard to grow! Now I give asparagus farmers even more credit! ;)

      I too hated asparagus when I was growing up, then again, I just hated everything GREEN!

  2. Big laughs for Taylor Swift! I don’t really see it, though.
    And my parents used to go on ClubMed vacations and leave us with dreadful and tortured babysitters! There were five of us!
    Also, I love inappropriate. It’s nearly impossible to offend me. So yes, I really did miss erect asparagus, but my true favorite phallic vegetable is probably zucchinis.

    • Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Your parents were SMART ;)
      And I am glad you’re okay with inappropriate – I was a LITTLE nervous with my video, lol… Shooting off the word penis a few too many times… Yahhhh! LOL!

  3. I used to really like asparagus!!! I still like them, but now I feel I can only eat them in private.

    I live in Club Florida!

    Hollywood came to town once, and I shared my fitness center’s locker room with a couple of the stars. You can’t judge a man’s asparagus by his suit I’ll tell ya, lol!

    • Bah ha ha ha ah! Oh common – OWN YOUR asparagus ODOR! LMFAO!!! ;)

      Ahhhhh !!! Dr. J, seriously, I have said this before -you need to write a book about all your experiences!!!!!

  4. I hate asparagus because of the bathroom “side effect” and I’m not a big of the taste either…but hey, with all those health benefits I might need to change my mind!

    • YOU sir, I think need to experiment with this veggie!!!! I mean, you create some MAGIC over at your blog, I think you need to make an asparagus recipe and perhaps, DEDICATE it to me?!?! :)

  5. Cute! And I can’t wait to get some asparagus!

  6. Fiddleheads are most definitely my favorite spring-time vegetable! I LOVE the nutty flavor of some lightly sauteed fiddleheads!!
    I want to see cucumbers and brussel’s sprouts make a baby. Seriously, I think a bigger, juicier brussel’s sprout would be amazing! And especially if it would fruit all summer, like cucumbers do! Yum! Double Yum!!

    • Ah! Fiddleheads – NOT my favorite, but that’s probably because I have only had them ONCE before and they were definitely NOT cooked all the way through. This was actually my FIRST EVER experience on national TV. LOL! It was a cooking segment and I had to sample the food. I had to ACT like I liked it… That was tough! ;)

  7. Okay, so I LOVE asparagus, but not the smell it gives my pee after eating it! And since my bladder is the size of a peanut…eating asparagus is no fun for me or anyone sharing my bathroom :)
    AND too much asparagus for me, for some reason, makes my IBS go into a tizzy! I become very bloated if I eat too much, did a bit of research and asparagus is a HIGH FODMAP food…wondering if this little bugger, or should I say firm friend, does this to anyone else with GI issues?

    By the way, I just hopped on the KALE TRAIN, so, does that count as a spring vegetable? I’m obsessed with making it crunchy, LIKE CHIPS. VEGGIES CHIPS.

    • I don’t know why the stench totally turns you off – I feel like since it happens to EVERYONE, people can just accept it and move on!! I find it funny ;)

      But since you do have an excuse not to eat it – THE DAMN IBS – then don’t! Don’t do it! And you’re right – it’s on the FODMAP list, so ditch it! But keep up with that KALE! I actually made a video about how AMAZING KALE IS, so if you want to feel even better about yourself for eating it, GO WATCH ;) xoxo!!

      (Email coming soon!)

  8. I love asparagus a lot so pretty excited about it. Other phallic shaped veggies/fruits I like: bananas, zucchini and cucumbers. :)

    • What if a Zucchini and a Banana had a baby? LOL… Can two phallic shaped vegetables make babies though? #headscratching

  9. I’m sure your mother is so proud of this one :)

    Hail the mighty asparagus! I love it…just NOT what it does to your bathroom functions haha.

  10. I love asparagus and put it on pizza, pasta, and whatever else I can find. Great nutritional info, GiGi!
    PS..I tried to link up a recipe but it didn’t work! *cries*

  11. Interesting to read how many people hated asparagus growing up. I did and haven’t tried it after a particularly nasty experience – I was probably 10 and my mom made the famous “green bean casserole.” I took a big helping and gagged – canned asparagus! Not a nice trick – and she made me eat every bite. I haven’t tried asparagus since!

    • OMG NOOOO!!! Your mom ruined you – Asparagus are DELICIOUS – fresh that is!!!!!! Aw man, I really truly hope you give Asparagus a chance one more time! For me? ;)

  12. You’re funny – love the energy in your writing :) We are big asparagus fans in this house, even though it makes you stinky! I like to just saute them or roast in the oven.

  13. Hhaha oh goodness–I like asparagus but I actually don’t eat it that often…wtf. Favorite phallic fruit=banana, duh.

    • OH GET ON THAT MISSY!! Asparagus season = NOW! Your HW = make a delicious recipe and post it on your blog within the next week! ;)

  14. oh my gosh, you make me smile so much.. i’ll keep asparagus around for some SPRING lovin

    • :D I had a feeling you might take a liking to where my brain went in this post! ha ha ah. Lets hope my dad doesn’t see it! He still thinks I am that 5-year old I refer to in my video.. And have no idea what “asparagus” are!

  15. I’m dying at the Taylor Swift asparagus reference! Now, I can’t unseen it!

    • LMFAO! Seriously! From now on… Whenever I see her. I will refer to her as a STALK. When I interview her next, I might mistakenly call her Asparagus! I wonder how she’d react!

  16. I am not a big fan of asparagus but I still eat it. Actually, I attended a cooking demo yesterday that had asparagus in the recipe. It was actually pretty good! It was a Risotto recipe and it was so good!

    • See! It ain’t so bad :) I feel like ANY vegetable dressed with olive oil or coconut oil = AMAZINGGGGG! In Risotto, only even more magical!

  17. I always have to click on your posts when I see them in my linkies – you’re such a hoot!

    I love asparagus! I tried growing it, but my dh sort of killed it. Competition? Nah, didn’t go there…

  18. Hahahh! Yes! That is an interesting way of looking at it, but I have to say you are so right! I cant wait for spring to arrive, we have had a few teaser days, really hoping we are done with winter….I have had enough! Cant wait for a summer of berries! Have not fenced with asparagus, but that sounds like fun :P I would love a butternut squash, and edamame to make a love child! Yum!

    • OMG I COULD NOT agree more! Butternut squash in edamame seed size!!!!! It would make it so much easier to deal with — How do can we make this HAPPEN?!

      Here’s to HOPING that SPRING IS HERE FOR GOOD! :)

  19. Love it fresh picked, there was an old house on the beach that had them growing in the back yard every spring, the owner let whom ever pick what they wanted. I’m taking the 5th on asparagus firmness, I like it with beef and rice as a side. The first things I eat out of the wood’s are briar tips, taste like fresh peas, than the sting nettles are good to in soup. It’s almost time for ARUGALA :)

    • Oh my goodness, I would LOVEEEEE to be neighbors with the person in that old beach house! Fresh asparagus – YES :) Would save a lot of $$ too because asparagus can be pricy at times!

      And yes, Arugala time is NEAR :) I wonder if I will be making a video about it!

  20. That was just hysterical. I love asparagus but I will never think of it the same way! I am going to link up my latest recipe because it tastes the best with summer veggies and when I think of spring, I start thinking about summer…

    • Ah ha ha ha aha ha ah aha ha aha ha ah aha ha aha h! Well, I hope every time from here on out, you always think of ME when you eat these green spears! LOL!! And thank you for linking up :)

  21. Love it! I always wondered about the smell… I love asparagus, so it’s great to know all those benefits. I may never be able to look at one the same again… :). Thanks so much for sharing!

    • HA HA! I am glad – at the grocery store, at dinner, bacon wrapped asparagus – you will ALWAYS think about me talking about John Hamm. LOL!!

  22. LOL. Taylor Swift makes an asparagus spear look sexy. I think any fruit or vegetable can be transformed to phallic like…shapes? This is really messng with me because I bought 3 bunches of this. I’ll just roast the eff out of them.

    • AHHHHHHA HA AH AH AHA HA AH! My brother said pretty much the same thing – He was like DAMMIT GIGI! I love asparagus, but now I will NEVER EAT IT AGAIN! LMFAO – Just roast it all manly, and you’ll be fine! :) Pretend you’re eating Taylor Swift.

      OOOOOO – I did warn you that this post is quite inappropriate! ;)

  23. Everything good in life is bad for you! I LOVE me some carcinogens in the form of charred BBQ anything. I need to see some lines or I send it back (not really. Ryan’s the one cooking). I love asparagus like I love carcinogens so I’m going to pretend they cancel each other out. And aren’t your neighbors used to your foul mouth by now? PENIS!

    • Kristina, DONT TELL ANYONE BUT… I FU**IN’ LOVE CARCINOGENS! LMFAO!! I love charred meats – the CRISPIER THE BETTER – but… I don’t eat it, LOL! However, NOW I think I might and just eat some asparagus and say, HA! I AM GOOD TO GO! FU** YOU CANCER, just like you- ah ha ah ah!

      To be completely honest – I have never met my neighbors so I have NO IDEA what they think ;) Nor do I give a PENIS! ah ah!

  24. Hahahaha! You and your ten year old self crack me up!

    What is your favorite SPRING TIME vegetable? Why Asparagus OF COURSE!!!

    What two produce (fruit/vegetable) do you wish would have sex and make a baby? I would love for rambutans and mangoes to mash together!

    What are your favorite phallic-shaped fruits and vegetables? ASPARAGUS – oh And naners!

    Have you ever FENCED with asparagus? No – but I have been trying to grow it for the past 2 years! to clarify and keep your mind from going into gutterville again, I meant grow in the soil Gigi!

  25. OMG you are too funny! I can’t stand asparagus because it makes my pee smell funny LOL so I avoid it at all costs – weirds me out!! Does that happen to you??

    • You really avoid it just because of the smell?!?!?!?!? OMG you need to let it back in your life missy, embrace the smell! ;) And it happens to me, but it’s not crazy strong to scare even a skunk away! LOL!

      • YES!! It is pretty strong and it last for like 2 days even if I just have like 3 spears…is that weird??? hahaha I don’t like the taste THAT much to put up with the STANK!

        • Bah ha ha ah! not weird at all – so don’t worry about that. But just kind of sad :( It’s okay, roasted cauliflower kinda effing rocks too! lol

  26. LOL Gigi you are so cute. You crack me up!

    I think sweet potato and a banana should have a baby. That would be one sweet treat!
    Forget fruit and vegetables… Lets combine almond butter and apples. It could be called a…Bapple?

    • OH YES! A Sweet NANA!! That would be pretty amazing, but.. Until then, we can just mash the two together ;)

      I thnk you and I should go in on this and make a whole new line of fruits and vegetables – starting with a Sweet Nana and a Bapple ;) And then we can move into things like Eggtuce and Konion!

  27. Tweeted and so excited for you! I am not a super big fan of the Asparagus {my hubby loves it} but I do love artichokes. Club Med? Heck yeah, we honeymooned their {Paradise Island} many moons ago and loved it!!

    • Oh I too LOVE artichokes!! Do you have any recipes? LINK EM UP baby! :) Why don’t you like asparagus? I am happy to hear at least your hubs does! :)

      And THANK YOU Lynda for your support!! I will OBVIOUSLY Keep you posted if I WIN !

  28. I wish I liked asparagus but I don’t… BUT you made a good case for it! :) OMG on Jon Hamm – I watch TMZ – holy schlong! ;)

  29. Ah spring… it’s the dawning of the age of asparagus! Oh wait, you probably have to be old like me for that to make sense as a horrible pun.

    I am a big asparagus fan, but probably cook all the nutrients away as my favorite way to cook it is to roast it with a little bit of olive oil at high heat, then when cooked, turn off the heat and leave the asparagus in the oven for hours and hours until I risk food poisoning and the poor little spears are as puny and dry and shriveled as an old mans’, um, eww, never mind.

    Sounds disgusting but they end up sweet and chewy/crunchy and they look so weird I get to eat them all myself.

    • Is it…. weird that… I DO THE SAME THING WITH MY ASPARAGUS! Ah ha ha aha ha ha! Roasting vegetables in GENERAL – that’s my THING ;) So… NOT DISGUSTING AT ALL!

  30. I’ll come crash your place in CA, but you can keep your stinky pee. I prefer the phallic carrot. Or bananas. Those are most fun to watch people eat.

    • I think banana-eating watching is pretty damn funny because people have so many different ways of eating it! And it’s typically a FAIL!!!!!! lmfao!

  31. Oh the asparagus pee. Lovely. Although I eat asparagus all the time, it is a perfect spring veggie. Good luck- just tweeted!

    • THANK YOU for tweeting! :) I hope you eat lots and lots of asparagus…. ON THURSDAY and beyond! SPRING IS NEAR yay!

  32. I will forever look at asparagus in a different way now. Still delicious but more sexual. :-)

  33. I love asparagus. It’s been so cheap lately that I’ve been buying a ton of it. And I’m a big fan of inappropriate.

  34. lol gigi!!!!!!!!

  35. Asparagus is the vegetable that comes back a few hours later to say “HEY! Don’t forget about me.” LOL
    I love roasting asparagus…the flavor is crazy good!

  36. I love me some grilled asparagus that’s been doused in garlic & olive oil! oh sweet heaven.

  37. My reaction to your video in video form: http://www.spin.com/articles/beyonce-i-cant-even-comedy-video-literally-dying/ <–just replace Queen Bey with Queen Gi. Well my reaction to the first minute because I lost you after that…I prefer when you stick to penis and phallic talk. Antioxidant-what???

  38. Inappropriate asparagus… naughty naught naughty.
    but I still want to eat it :D

    Cheers
    Choc Chip Uru

  39. Clubmed? Is that where doctors do vacations? Ok NOT :D Whatever! Love the video, love asparagus and everything veggie, buuuuut I’m all bananas!! Thats my favorite produce on earth!! Give me bananas every day, for every meal. Ok too much sugar, I know. Whatever is fructose!! Jess is stiil sugar. Who cares? Your blood sugar levels. Oh crap, I give up! Give me bananas :D

    • BAH HA HA HA!!! Yes, ClubMed is where doctors go to get away from their ANNOYING PATIENTS! LOL!!!!!

      And we do NOT have that in common – I HATE BANANAS – even when I could eat them, YUCKY!!! So look at that, more bananas for you – LMFAO!! And yes, there is fructose but if there were some dunkaroos or a banana….. I’d say, eat the banana! LOL!

      • I have NOOOOOO problem at all with you hating bananas. In fact, I agree with you: more bananas for me! Keep on the good work ;)

        Seriously???? Bananas are the best fruit ever!! However, as I already said, keep yourself away from them and we can totally be best friends!

  40. Oh my gosh you are hilarious!! Can I come live with you so we can be 4 together?

  41. Love asparagus. Especially oven baked with lemon zest and sea salt :)

  42. OHH I love this, it turned out great and not inappropriate at alllll!! Fo rilz, it’s perf. Did you know that I eat asparagus nearly EVERY single day?! It’s one of my favorite vegetables, smelly urine and all! I would do wild shit to John Hamm..just saying. I’ve not only heard rumors, BUT GOOGLED photos and MY LORD!…yes.

    • OF COURSE YOU LIKE ERECT THINGS! ;)

      Perhaps I will google John Hamm… Before I go to bed tonight – will make for either AMAZING dreams or…. NIGHTMARE FILLED DREAMS! ahhhh ha ha ah ahah ah! I wouldn’t be screaming GODZILLAAAA!!!! I’d be screaming…. GIANT HAMMMMM!!!!

  43. HAHA this totally made my day…Also, you forgot cucumbers in your list of phallus shaped foods lol
    Off to get some asparagus!

    • Ah ha ah! But of course, cucumbers are just a GIVE ;)

      GO CHOW DOWN on that asparagus – A great way to celebrate day # 1 of SPRING TOMORROW!!

  44. You are too cute! I like grilled asparagus—but for some reason have not been in the mood for it in the last year (geez, no pun intended).

    • BAHH H AH HA AH AHA H! OMG I just peed in my pants, this is the funniest comment – I am pretending the pun was intended! ;) Happy 1st DAY OF SPRING!

  45. taylor swift is everything i hate about whiny bitches. yeah, i said it. all of her songs are the same and i’d rather masturbate with sandpaper than listen to the garbage she puts out.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

    • I FUCKING HATE TAYLOR SWIFT TOO! THANK GODDDD! All the more reason why I love you?

      AND OMFG THIS COMMENT – I cannot even type because the tears welling up my eyes from laughter are just too much!

    • I feel an overwhelming urge to comment to this post on Kathy’s post.
      How else are you supposed to masturbate other than with sandpaper? That’s how I was taught at least – and you’re implying that it isn’t right. HELP!
      ALSO, I LOVE ALL THE PENISSERY TALK.

  46. Im so so so not not not a fan.
    of the limp stalk :-)
    I AM OF YOU AND AM MAKING EVERYONE I KNOW VOTE :-)

    • OMG PLEASE Carla! Please!!! You can vote as MANY TIMES AS YOU WANT until Sunday evening!!!! We gotta make me win! ;)

      If I don’t win… I might start LIMPING like that asparagus spear! ha ha.

  47. Um for my baby making choice I think I would choose peaches and kale. It would be a beautiful combination!

  48. OMG – love your sense of humor!!!! and the animated gif is just plane hilarious. Thank you for linking up with the Fitspiration for Moms

  49. LOL! Your humor was much appreciated this morning, especially with that first statement. I love asparagus! Thank goodness for the warmer weather coming- more spring veggies :D

    • I am so glad I could help out your day a little bit!!! :)

      What spring veggies are you planning on eating this weekend to celebrate!! :D

  50. OMG! You really make me laugh! I needed this so bad! I will try to eat more asparagus…not a big fan, but I know how good they are!

    Diana
    http://www.ManhattanImageandStyle.com / http://www.MISBoutique.storenvy.com
    New Blog Post: [Outfit Idea] PoP of Print
    Previews Blog Post: [Inspiration] 7 Steps to Conquer Your Closet This Spring

    • Ah ha ha ha!!! I am glad I could make you laugh. I hope whenever you look and eat asparagus from NOW ON, you think of me screaming PENIS!

  51. Why did I know you would go there! That is what I was thinking when I read this!

  52. Asparagus rocks! I feel like spring is like viagra for everyone. We all seem to hibernate in the house in the winter!

  53. Ha! I love the gif at the beginning! And we are big asparagus fans around here! Yay for spring!

  54. asparagus REeeeeeeeeeeeeeALLY turns me on)))!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  55. This is hilarious. Thank you for sharing… asparagus almost makes my pee smell haha! But I do love it!

  56. Hi Gigi – Thanks for sharing with the Let’s Get Real party. This gives me a whole different perspective on the asparagus I bought yesterday!

  57. You are OMG too funny! I really need that inappropriate funny today to make me laugh and feel better from this nasty foot injury. I love asparagus! It’s not recognized or utilized enough in meals.

  58. I gotta be honest, I reeeally don’t like asparagus haha! I totally feel like I’m missing out with all it’s health benefits *sob* Maybe I can try disguise it with other foods or something :p

  59. Hi GiGi,
    I can handle it! I didn’t take the EXIT! Instead I shared a recipe for Warm Asparagus Spears with Pine Nuts. I am so glad you shared this fun and fabulous post on the Healthy, Happy, Green & Natural Blog Hop! I appreciate it!

    • WOO WOO! I am so glad you didn’t take the exit ;) And thank you so much for sharing your recipe, I am going to check it out now!

  60. I actually had asparagus at our monthly family gathering. I cooked it in the oven with some olive oil. My mom didn’t like it because it wasn’t limp enough. After reading this and knowing that my mom likes it limp, I’m going to laugh until I cry.

  61. I love asparagus! It’s definitely better when it’s firm and fresh.

  62. You crack me up girl! Love it! Thanks for linking up at our Gluten Free Fridays party! I have tweeted and pinned your entry to our Gluten Free Fridays board on Pinterest! :)

    Thank you for linking up! Its because of awesome bloggers like you that our link up is a success!

    Cindy from vegetarianmamma.com

    • Ah ha! :) Thank you Cindy! And thank you for hosting the party every week! I love reading and exploring what other bloggers have to say!!

  63. bahaha! But now, will I ever enjoy asparagus again??

  64. I’m laughing out loud- I don’t think I will ever look at asparagus the same way again!

    xx Kait

  65. First off, How the HECK do you find time to reply to every freakin comment people write? That’s so awesome and totally appreciated by all your readers I’m sure. Super woman? Yes, you are.
    OK, onto the topic. I love asparagus as well as all of your innuendos! You never cease to amaze me with your creativity and whittyness. Now excuse me while I go pee out the toxins the asparagus from my dinner help rid my body of. Don’t worry, I’ll plug my nose :)

    • When people comment, I have to respond! I am totally OCDDDDDDD AHHH HA HA HA! I am not a procrastinator either! So yeah, I am not super woman, I am CRAZY WOMAN! lol!!!

Trackbacks

  1. […] else is excited that SPRING is nearly here?! Well, the mighty asparagus stalk certainly is!! I would LOVE IT if you would share some of your favorite spring time asparagus […]

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