Once Upon A Time… I Had A Large Intestine: Part 2

For Part One… CLICK HERE 

Can I just tell you that the fun I had getting barium enemas… Was match-less?! 

GiGi Dubois thumbs up

No wonder I am no longer amused when I go to an amusement park. The best part about this procedure? The “prize” at the end of courseThat I would need to have a colectomy**! Ha! Screw that GIGANTIC stuffed kangaroo at the carnival, I want to have my large intestine removed instead (oh and as a bonus, take out that APPENDIX too)!

Because APPARENTLY… It twisted into a KNOT!

stuffed kangaroo toy

The next thing I knew… I had staples in my stomach.

Stomach Staples after surgery

The surgery took five hours, but when you get knocked out, it feels as if you simply just blinked your eyes.

Modern medicine is crazy like that!

Modern medicine also kind of sucks because that night was quite possibly the second worst night of my life (the worst, being when Freddy Kruger tried to kill me of course) because the morphine being dripped into my vein was so strongI fainted multiple times and vomited more than a college freshman after a Frat party.

passed out drunk with a cop selfie

Not a good look.

Crazily enough… My doctor thought I looked great, well at least my stomach did. I even recall him asking if he could take a picture of my sutures because they looked textbook.

So to all you med students out there, on page 543 of your textbook, that’s a picture of MY stomach!


You all might be wondering, “where were your parents?”

Well that’s a funny story (within a story?).

This emergency surgery happened on April 15th in Colorado (Woop Woop, TAX DAY!). Colorado is a very bi-polar state, or in other words, there just so happened to be an EPIC snowstorm, which delayed my parents from coming to my bedside.

Hospital Legs, Hospital Bedside

In fact, I was in the hospital, all alone, yes, WITHOUT A COMPUTER OR MY PHONE, for three days! Sabrina The Teenaged Witch and ice chips were the only two things that kept me alive… Oh and a magical golden retriever too… Don’t ask.

Magical Golden Retriever

I wound up being in the hospital for a total of five days, which is completely unheard of, because typically when people have colectomies they wind up recovering in the hospital for up to three weeks (or until they… have a natural evacuation, lol)…

I personally thank my being so very healthy for the reason I was able to leave the hospital early… Or maybe it was all the sugar-free gum that caused what was left of my intestines to… Well, you know.


Would you like to know the last thing my surgeon/doctor told me before I was escorted out of the hospital (talk about VIP treatment)?

 “You will never experience digestive issues again…”

W!@GOFJSKDFUCKIEW$@@HIYOURSELFFN%$EOUSFBD736875434*&%$NHEOS!!!!!!! (Find the hidden phrase if you can…)

middle finger meme

If I knew where my surgeon was right now, I’d hunt him down and slap him silly with my large intestine he took out because he couldn’t have been farther from the truth. In fact, my digestion got worse…


Worse than what Republicans think Obama is doing in office

obamacare meme

The battles that occur in my stomach and small intestine after I eat certain, if not all, grain/gluten/nutty and fibrous foods parallel that of the Battle of Stalingrad… The deadliest recorded mêlée during World War II.


Fick Mich!


So Tell Me…

  • Have you ever had a barium enema? 
  • Tell me about a surgery you underwent in the past…
  • Did you find the hidden phrase in my “freak out”? 
  • In the last two weeks, what was the longest you went without your phone/computer or really any technology? 
  • Favorite 90s TV show… GO! 
  • Do you know SHIT ABOUT PANDAS?!

Now you do… 


  1. oh my gosh Gigi sending you hugs this is terrible and I can’t believe the surgeon told you that. What the hell! I know you’ve discovered ways to eat that don’t bother you as much but I hate that this was what was promised to you!

    • Right? Don’t make promises you can’t keep! ha! In part 3 I describe what’s working for me these days… So I am totally happy, but still want to smack Mr. Surgeon Man… LOL

  2. I’ve heard the definition of comedy is tragedy plus time. Glad enough time has gone by for you to find the comedy in that terrible ordeal you had to go through!

    Yeah, I don’t want a Pollyanna doctor. Just tell me the truth with a hopeful edge. Like when I had labs that said I was going to die, and the doctor said that a cousin of a friend’s roommate had the same thing and SHE got better so I might too.

    Is your waist measurement now the same as Scarlett O’Hara’s with Prissy’s help?

  3. GIRRRRL! Feel better! You crack me up with your hilarious take on everything- good vibes :)

  4. You’re insane. Even a panda wouldn’t put up with you. And I would pay good money to see you whip the doctor with your colon. I kid because I know that you are ok, surviving, and thriving, but I can imagine just how difficult this was for you. And the frustration you felt when things didn’t get better.

    • Frustration = understatement, but I am working with it… You know how it is. We have our good days and we have our bad days!!! But I try to make my “bad days” as good as I possibly can!

    • For serious about the paying good money. I’d want it on video. <3

  5. This made my stomach hurt just reading your post.

  6. How awful for you! I feel like doctors definitely shouldn’t be black and white about things :( We went through that with my dad’s gastro specialist several years ago and unfortunately their incorrectness cost him his life. I hope you’re making a full recovery.

    • Oh my goodness I am beyond sad and sorry to hear about your father!! :( seriously! I have gone to innumerable amounts of specialists who have failed to tell me anything useful, so I just decided to be my own guinea pig. Part 3 will have tips/tricks as to what has been helping me.

  7. Oh my goodness. I missed part one so I went back and got caught up. How friggen awful, and I want to punch that d bag doctor in the face for you!!! I have had surgery (c section) but can’t imagine anything like this….at all!!! Though I am sure this has been quite tough, you’re incredibly brave and strong and you make life look fun and easy. I envy you and your outlook on everything.

    • I just constantly remind myself that things could be worse. You know what I mean? My amazing support system which includes you certainly helps too!!

  8. Oh my gosh OUCH! On so many levels. Physically? OUCH. So much pain!! Mentally? No phone or computer? Kill. Me. Now. Emotionally? No parents?? That’s awful! When this kind of stuff happens you definitely become a baby again and need your parents.

    The closest thing I had to this was getting my appendix taken out…then there was an infection so I was in the hospital for four days and that was the worst (although with all the drugs it felt like a blur).

    I’m so sorry you now have to put up with so much pain when eating! It’s one of your favorite things to do too :( I don’t know what the solution is but I really really realllllly hope you find it!

    • Right?! Eating is amazing… But then it HURTS :( I always say, “well it was good going down” – LOL!!

      AND OMG ugh, your appendix situation sounds horrific!!!!!! Gotta love the drugs to help you get through it all! lol

  9. NO PHONE, LYING IN A HOSPITAL BED?! Thats the worst, oh My god. :( I’m sorry that happened, Gigi.

  10. Oh my goodness, GiGi!! This is absolutely nuts…I am so sorry!!!!

  11. Thanks for being brutally honest. I have not lost my colon, but had many intestinal surgeries and blockages. So I know about the barium enemas and I know about being in hospital without parents fainting and puking–in college I had surgery and my parents were out of the country–didn’t quite make it for the surgery. I try to make light of it and just say you can’t blame anything on me–I am full of shit :)

    • LMFAO!!!! OMFG OMFG OMFG!!!!!! I AM USING THAT!!! “you can’t blame ANYTHING on me, I am full of shit” THIS IS A PRICELESS STATEMENT and I love you for it! Ah ha!! #Twins!

      I am sorry to hear that you suffer from the same issues as me though :( Part 3 will have tips and tricks on how I deal with all of this “crap” – lol – so stay tuned!

  12. I just hate when doctors predict things like they know what’s going to happen. Please. It’s just annoying when they do that. It’s almost like they’re patting themselves on he back and increasing their ego in a way. I am so sorry you experienced this girl.

    Kay of Pure & Complex

  13. GAAAH! What a fiasco! I am so sorry you had to go through this digestive nightmare! And the fact that it didn’t improve your digestion is awful….some doctor, huh?! I’m curious, did you have any dietary restriction pre-surgery?

    • I was lactose intolerant and I knew I had some other issues because I wasn’t always feeling the best, but I just didn’t really know to what extent.

      In part 3 I will talk about how I am coping now and what I do to make sure I am not dying from pain 24/7!

  14. Oi… I feel for you, girl! :(

  15. HAHA! I have to admit that with most blogs I just browse through and look at the pictures. But your blog is SO freaking funny! I just love it! haha. Keep up the spunk mama! Ohh and heal soon :)

    • AH GINGER – you just made my DAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! 😉 <3 <3 I am THRILLED that you actually took the time to read my blog as opposed to just looking at the pics!

  16. I have never had any surgeries (knock on wood), but I did just get back from a 2 hour periodontist trip where I went w my husband for moral support. They needed to stab him in the gums w 10 shots and then deep clean all up under his gums. That will be my traumatic story for the day. Glad you are in a better place today!!

  17. Oh my god!!! I can’t believe you went through this alone and even more than that I can’t believe the Dr told you you’d have no digestive repercussions even though you were now missing 50% of that system?!? I can’t imagine what you go through on a daily basis food wise. I’m interested to read the last part to see what you do to manage it now. So sorry this happened to you.

    • Yes! The last past will reveal how I eat and what works for me… Well at the moment at least, LOL!!

      And don’t be sorry, it’s life I guess, and things could be far worse, right?? 😉

  18. Wow amazing what people go through and your journey sure has been an interesting one! xo

  19. such a very cool post that it made me laugh..haha…visiting from BO…happy weekend in advance!

  20. oh wow my stomach hurts just reading about this. So sorry you had to go through it.

  21. First – why didn’t someone (a nurse, aid…) make some phone calls for you?! I hate that you spent 3 days in the hospital by yourself!!!
    Second, that DR sounds like an ass – you should find him and tell him to textbook the after results!!!

    • I’m not really sure how/if/when nurses made calls for me, LOL! Obviously my parents came to my bed side eventually, so there was some communication but… I was way too drugged to remember. Ha Ha.

  22. Suture self, Gigi! HAHA! :) I’ve had the dreaded barium milkshake and enema and a probe from both ends. Fun. Not! My issues were never on your level at all but I think many of my digestive issues came about from my gut being pummeled by antibiotics through my youth and early 20s. Took years to get it working right. And most doctors know sh*t about nutrition. A doctor told my boyfriend once that people couldn’t be allergic to food. I wonder if all the people dead from nut allergies feel better now.

    • OMFG WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! THAT DOCTOR I HOPE WAS FIRED! That is the BIGGEST LOAD OF CRAP I HAVE EVER EVER EVER HEARD!! I WANT TO punch him just as much as my doctor!!!! This is why I have stopped going to doctors, they are lazy. Sorry — Well, some of them. My mom was NOT lazy at all.

  23. Oh you poor dear!!
    I still don’t understand why this happened? Why did they decide to do a colectomy? What the heck is a colectomy? I need to Google it. And the appendix – sheesh!!! Why didn’t they just take that out?
    Clearly I need to go watch Grey’s Anatomy.

    • They don’t KNOW!!!!!! But part 3 might clear up some things that might be confusing to you. I had a cecal volvulus if you want to google!

      The appendix actually wasn’t causing any issues at all… They just took that out as a BONUS prize – lol

  24. yikes yikes yikes! Take one of those textbook staples out and stab him in the eye with it!

  25. First off… am I the only one who noticed the first commentors ‘recently posted’ was “Ultimate Butt Workout?” Coincidence?! Secondly… Is that an engagement ring on your hand? Don’t lie.
    As for the post, haha… 3 days of liquids? All just to set you up for torture? Not. Cool. And let me know when you find your doc. I’ll mae sure to rip him a new one- literally and, well, literally.
    Sorry you still get so much tummy upset :( Wish I could wave my magical wand over it and make things all better!!!

    • Girl, I lived on ice chips for 5 days!!! I lost so much weight, LOL…. Lets just say, I had fun eating a ton of salmon! 😉

      And why can’t you wave your magical wand??? ha ha.

      Ring? WHAT ring?? 😉

  26. I have had the barium enema! I don’t recommend it! Can you believe the bathroom was occupied. I had to wait for some guy to freshen up.

    • You don’t recommend it?? Um, WHY?? 😉 LMFAO!!!!

      Uhhhhhhhh what?! THAT guy needed to EVACUATE the premises! lmfao.

  27. I am SO sorry you had to go through all that alone! I’ve had two sort of intense wrist surgeries. The first to reconstruct my wrist which was totally shattered, and install what I refered to as my bionic arm–lots of plates and pins. The second was to take all that stuff out because, while it is supposed just stay in there forever, it had somehow shifted and was endangering a tendon. That survey was supposed to be a quick easy one but apparently the screws in my wrist had worn down making them really hard to pry out of my bone so…well I’m glad for general anesthesia. I’m sorry you are having to deal with health crap, I actually kinda DO feel your pain, lol

  28. Oh my goodness! Hugs and kisses, GiGi! Poor baby. Yes, I deciphered your message and he deserves it. And I thought I had it bad with IBS. I do hope these issues will get resolved soon. :(

    • Ugh – I definitely have IBS too!! It’s just… AMAZING 😉 ha ha ah! Part 3 has some tips as to how I keep everything “manageable” for the most part!

  29. Um, those staples are super bad-ass. You are a freaking CHAMP for enduring all that you went through – including that doctor’s “assurance”! Excuse me, while I wait here in front of my laptop for part 3 <3

    • A ha ha ha ha aha!!! For a second I thought you said “chimp” – LOL – I was going to take it 😉 But champ does sound so much better, ha!

      And Next Friday – Part 3, it’s on!!

  30. OMG, I laughed so freaking hard reading this. You are cra-zay-zee girl!

    Anyhoo, I found your blog through a fellow blogger and thought I would stop by and say hi! It would totally make my day if you did the same.. or better yet, keep in touch! <3 – http://www.domesticgeekgirl.com

    • But of COURSE I am going to stop by your blog!!! If you’re laughing at mine, then clearly we have a similar personality and I LOVEEEEE making new friends so I am PUMPED you came on over! :)

  31. Oh my word, this sounds terrible! I sure hope you’ve been able to find medications or things that can help. My poor husband struggled with Crohn’s Disease several years ago and was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks. They thought they were going to have to remove his colon too, but thankfully they didn’t. He hasn’t had too many problems since then. I’m hoping it stays that way. My poor niece struggles from Crohn’s Disease and my Father-in-Law has Colitis. He has his colon removed and does pretty well. He has a J-pouch. It’s rough. I love your attitude though and I’m glad you’re sharing your story! I’m sure it will help many people.

    • In Part 3 I will reveal what I have been doing in order to live with my condition. I am so thankful I did not have a J-pouch like your father in law! That certainly would ruin a bunch of opportunities for me out here in LA because… People are shallow :( Including casting directors.

      I certainly feel for your FIL and niece!!

  32. oh girl, i can relate. No surgery here but 6 years of parasite and i had rectal prolapse. Sexy eh? We should have been hospital mates! glad you are better now and YOU KNOW YOUR diet. <3 you

  33. I love your sense of humor while handling tough situation. I hope that your stomach will heal sooner and that you will enjoy all the foods that you want to eat.

    • Sadly Jess, I had this surgery 6 years ago, and I can no longer eat fiber/carb-rich foods, but that’s okay, I can still enjoy foods I truly enjoy! 😉 SALMON!!! yes yes yes!

  34. You’re basically famous being in those med school books. Too cool for school right here. Fo rilz though, I know ALLLL ABOUT your digestion and that surgeon can eat a D!

    • LMFAO – basically?? No… I AM FAMOUS – bahhh ha ha ha ah aha ha haah aha ah aha!!!

      And I think you know probably TOO MUCH about my digestion!

  35. Is it wrong that the thing that horrified me the most is that you were bed ridden for 3 days without the internet? I’d have died right there. No. That’s a lie. I’d have died the moment there was puke involved. *shudder*

    • SHIT, RIGHT!??!?!?!?! No phone or computer for 3 days – TORTURE!!! But even when I did finally get them, I didn’t spend too much time on them, I stared at the wall mostly because I was on so many drugs, LOL… So much more entertaining to count the dots than to be on Facebook. LOL

  36. i had a colectomy and rectal prolapse surgery last month. It was intense. They let me leave the 2nd day though. I’m 26 and they said it was extremely rare to have this surgery. Digestion hasn’t gotten better yet..

    • That’s what it was like for me too! I was 21 when I had my surgery and they kept telling me how rare it was, and in fact, don’t even know what exactly caused my issue. They let me leave after five days, as I said… And in part three I share what seems to be helping me for the most part… But of course, nothing will every be perfect :(

      I’d love to hear more about your story/situation!

      • Vanessa Powers says:

        Did you have rectal prolapse surgery too? or just the colectomy? I’d love to talk to you more!

  37. Aww, thanks, Gigi, for enlightening medical students all around with your textbook sutures! ;P (I know it probably felt like death, but he really did do a great job on the suture part. If I can manage that on my surgery rotation next month, I think my surgeon will love me.) Yours really should NOT have said that you’d never have digestive issues again though. o_o There is pretty much never that sort of guarantee with anything. Who does he think he is? D:

    I’m really glad you got to get outta there in 5 days though vs. the 3 weeks?! :[

    And thank you for the panda facts. <3

    I hope you have a great weekend!

    • RIGHT!!! Why a doc would guarantee something is BEYOND ME! ha! DUMMMMMMMB!!!!

      I certainly hope you can master the staples in your surgery rotation next month!! wishing you the best of luck :)

      And I am also glad you liked the Panda fact! ha ha. That video kills me.

  38. Gigi, your honesty with a side of humor is inspiring, through our personal emails, I know your struggles, and admire all that you’ve had to endure to get to where you are now <3

  39. hope things is getting better sucks when there are things inside us that needs to be replace, remove or fix.

  40. Well this is not a good story. :( Just read part one and two. I’m so sorry, Gigi.

    • It’s okay Ash! In part 3 I disclose how I am living now, and what helps!! There are far worse things in life! 😉

  41. I have never heard of barium enema. Gosh, how ignorant am I? I feel sorry for your colon :) Just a curiosity, have you always been intolerant to grain/gluten/nutty foods?

    • Not ignorant at all, you don’t even want to KNOW what one is, LOL!!!

      I have actually always been intolerant to grain/gluten/nutty foods… :( And this surgery was a result of contaminating my system with them… Or so I believe, the doctors are not 100% sure on that.

  42. Wow Gigi. Your story is wild, horrific in ways and hilarious in others. I’m sorry that you are still having issues. I’ve had a number of surgeries with a few minor complications. But overall, they solved the problem at hand. I will say that the nights afterwards were tough on me, too. I don’t do well with the pain killers. I get horrible nightmares and night sweats. So, honestly, I went back to Tylenol. Have a great weekend.

    • Do you remember your nightmares? You could write a book?? ha ha. Use your horrific nights to your advantage?

      What types of surgeries did you have?

  43. Wow! That whole thing sounds so horrible! But being bored in the hospital for three days with nothing but cable TV to keep you entertained and no family there, that must have been the worst! Glad you are better now!

    • Ah ha ha! Yeah, no family was sad, and I definitely wanted to see my friends/tell them what happened… I do recall 2 actually coming to my bed side… NO IDEA how they found out, but hey, still super sweet of them!

  44. Well, for sure you are healthy with healing in all ways!!! :)

    BUT so sorry you had to go thru this & alone & still had issues after the doc said you would not…. your humor is infectious but UGH on all you went thru & I am sure still have to watch so closely!


    • Yes yes, I have to watch VERY CLOSELY as to what I eat… Or else, I will have some stomach RUMBLES for sureeeeeeeee! But thankfully I can laugh at it for the most part?

  45. I used to have gosh awful stomach pains after eating meat, which is why I don’t eat it anymore, but nothing like your pain. When your gut hurts, everything hurts. I’m sorry you had to endure so much pain, but I love your attitude.

    • It’s so interesting to me when I hear about people who cannot tolerate meat, because that’s pretty much the only thing I can eat! ha ha… But it just proves that every single person is different and unique! I am glad you figured out what was wrong with you! Nothing worse than feeling sick to your stomach!

  46. Oh. My. God.

    I’m convinced doctors don’t know what to say so they just say things. May I bring you back to my ER doctor who I paid $1,000 to tell me “It’s your period. Avoid gluten, take Tylenol, call your PCP tomorrow.” Even my GI doctor, who I love, treats me like a science project sometimes. He was the one who told me “Eat whatever. It’s all going to make you want to die for the next month or so.” He loaded me up with $3,400 of prescriptions a month and “some of this is bound to work, but the side effects are pretry brutal. Just do what you can.”

    I think you and I will have a lot of sympathy for each other. LoL! Email me any time, no joke.

    • OMFG SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?! um….. THIS is why I do not go to doctors anymore – they just seriously want to take our money! I hated being treated like a lab rat, F YOU ALL!!!!!! I don’t trust anyone. People always ask me why I don’t go and see a doctor – well this comment is a TERRIFIC REASON AS TO WHY!

  47. You are epic. I doubt there is anyone out there who could turn such a crapola situation into a good one.

    Can we chase the damn surgeon down?

  48. Only ypu can turn into a total crap situation sound like fun. Sometimes doctors can be so off the mark.

  49. Aww Gigi, don’t worry us so much, you bad girl! I wish I wasn’t laughing at your disgrace, but you always write everything in such a funny way I can’t help!

    • You’re allowed to laugh – that’s why I wrote it comedically, ha ha! 😉 I laugh in the face of pain!!

  50. Oh man! What a story (what a nightmare). I’m a bit surprised they didn’t do more investigation before they just whipped it out.

    • They may have, but I was so drugged that I just don’t remember! LOL! I wonder what my life would be like if they kept it in though, probably pretty crummy! They told me that if they did keep it in, something like what happened could happen again (cecal volvulus – large intestine twisting into a knot) and that just did NOT sound good at the time… Or even now for that matter, LOL!

  51. Hi Gigi
    Yikes you have had a rough time of it awesome that you have such a flare for telling your tale. Do you know anything about whole body vibration and if so how would you factor that into the program? Once you’ve completed 21 program how often would you suggest intermittent fasting I, m female 63 no thyroid ovaries or gallbladder. Don’t know if that makes a difference. Also because of the thyroid cancer the t3 and TSH are get really low .02 wondering if that is why some days I can have a BP coffee and be satisfied and other times I want to start eating. Any suggestions?

  52. Wow! I hope things are ok now!

  53. I had 2 C-sections, the first one I nearly died as I lost a lot of blood. Thankfully, it wasn’t my time yet. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Your sunny disposition has helped you survived all the trauma. Wondering how you are doing now.

    • Oh my goodness Abigail, I am beyond thrilled that it wasn’t your time yet! You have two babies (maybe more?) you have lots to live for! :)

      Part 3 will reveal how I am doing now – I will be posting it on Friday… Tomorrow: a recipe will be shared! :)

  54. Doctors think they know it all-but then so does our pres. In any case, the next time you are in CO, I can be there. you and your parents must have been going crazy. But our weather is too! Tomorrow 75 and Thursday 41. Ouch!

    • OMG! HA HA! I remember that weather all too well! I actually kind of liked it though? LOL – Los Angeles is always 70 + and sunny and every so often I would love a rainy day! 😮

  55. Jeeze girlie! What a crazy experience. And I have to say I am not surprised that your tummy still has issues after all that. I think you do a great job doing all you can to take care of your health!

    I have had many surgeries, but none on my tummy. Stress is my tummy nemesis. I am thinking about having my Cortisol levels tested, because I think they may be major problem.

    • Stress DEFINITELY causes stomach issues – THAT IS FOR DANG SURE!!! I am glad you’ve never had any stomach surgeries but you’ve had enough for so many people, I feel for you! :(

  56. Popping over from Treasure Box Tuesday Tuesday =) One, sorry about your digestive issues. I have Crohn’s and know the pain/mess of a nutty, fatty, fibrous meal. Two, you are hilarious! I’m glad you can keep such a great sense of humor. Three, I may need to steal that So Tell Me… part. With homage paid to you of course =) Be sure to share your recipes, crafts, upcycles & DIYs at Two Uses Tuesday (Mon 8pm EST to Fri 11pm EST) over at Sarah Celebrates if you don’t already!

    • THANK YOU for coming by Sarah! I LOVEEE making new friends :) And I laugh in the face of pain – he he, as you can tell. And of course you can “steal” the So Tell Me part… Leaving credit where it’s due? LOL

  57. thinking of your Gigi!! You’re our superhero! No major surgeries over here, thankfully. Digestive issues are no fun. xo

  58. NOT a fun experience. Even though you make it sound funny (it’s your gift!). Can’t believe that doctor believed you wouldn’t have future digestive issues.

  59. This is crazy GiGi! I read both part one and two– no to be confused with number two, which might trigger flashbacks of this awful time in your life. If you can’t find that doctor and whip him with your intestine, I will hunt him down, lock him in a small room with someone who just ate beans, wax his armpits while forcing him to eat jalapenos! douche bag.

    • LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS THE BEST COMMENT EVER!!!! AH HA HA AH AHA! I will purposely NOT find him so you can hunt him down 😉

  60. Girllll talk about tough times. Whew, I’m glad that you recovered quickly! It’s just crazy that you went through that and STILL have digestive issues…Grrrrrr! Sometimes modern medicine isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

  61. I totally sympathize with your throwing up because of drugs night. I’ve been fortunate enough not to have major surgery like you, but I did have to take vicodin before…that makes me throw up like crazy! Also, do I win a cookie for being right on with the quinoa? I want a cookie.

  62. Wow, so sorry that you’re still having stomach problems! I hope that they’ll get resolved ASAP. 3 days without a computer or phone?! How’d you make it?!

  63. Shut the front door! I had the EXACT same issue with my intestine in 2013. Apparently it’s super rare for people younger than like, 60. We’re basically as magical as that golden retriever. 😉 Interesting you wound up with staples! They did a right hemicolectomy on me with lasers, took out the afflicted area through my belly button (whee! I look like an alien now, cue X-Files music), then literally glued me back together with surgical glue that eventually dissolves away.
    ANYWAY. Enough about my endeavors. I am so, so sorry you went through all that madness. It’s awful and having the nurses watching you like a hawk until you pass gas or more…solid substances, takes every ounce of willpower to maintain dignity a person can muster.
    I wanted to comment about your digestion issues persisting and getting worse. Mine took about 3-4 months to become regular, and even improve. I used to not tolerate dairy or grains well at ALL (we’re talking that Octomom type stomach distension), but now I can eat either without incident. I don’t know if the experience will be the same, and I know mild intolerance is different than allergy, but the main point I want to get across is that: it does get better and there is a silver lining. :) It won’t feel weird to sleep after a couple weeks, bathroom trips won’t feel like mini nightmares, and food won’t feel like a total chore to eat.

    Get better and heal up soon! The days of pretzel-intestine bouts of pain are done. 😀

    • I JUST SLAMMED THE FRONT DOOR!!! F-ing UNREAL that you literally when through the same thing as me! HOLY F BOMBS!!!!! How long were you in the hospital? I want to hear your ENTIRE STORY!!!

      AND OMG wtf! Your issues got better! I couldn’t be more ENVIOUS OF YOU! This just goes to show how different everyone’s body is!! That’s incredibly. But your “recovery” only took 3 – 4 months…. I am going on 6 years right now! :-/ But in part three, which I am posting tomorrow by the way, I discuss what seems to be working for me, so as to grasp control (to a degree) of my issues!

      OMG Pretzel Intestines… The thought makes me quiver! LOL

  64. I love your humor!…back to part 3….

  65. That sounds terrible! A few years back (or several? I don’t remember anymore) I was having gallbladder issues for about a year. I didn’t know what they were but those attacks were so horrible. The funny part was the other day I had x-rays at my chiropractor and he asked me if I’d had my gallbladder removed. I answered affirmative and asked how he knew. You could see the staples in the x-ray! I didn’t even know they were now a part of me. Surgery, man…

  66. I found GFY in your hidden message, I use it a lot. No surgery for me, plenty of stitches though over the years. I’m glad they fixed you, it sucked big time but your here and I’m thankful. No enema’s either for me, I looked it up and not something for the faint of heart. My favorite show 97-07 Stargate SG1 I’m a SciFi junky at heart.

    • Aw! I am thankful that you’re THANKFUL that I am here 😉 I would never ever ever tell YOU to GFY! LOL!

      Enemas are DEFINITELY NOT for the faint of heart 😉 Go watch your SciFi shows instead – ha ha!

  67. Do stitches after childbirth count? Some things…ripped.

  68. It is crazy how little doctors know about nutrition and food sensitivities. A doctor once told an old boyfriend that people couldn’t be allergic to food. WTF? Tell that to the people who died from peanuts. And another told me that eczema, related to dairy or wheat most often, only affects children. Duh. I had a friend who had to have colostomy and he nearly died because he didn’t want the bag, but in the end (no pun intended) someone from the Colostomy Association (or something like that) talked him into it.

    Glad you go rid of Freddy Krueger but my sympathy for all you went through.

    • Freddy is actually back and kicking my ass right now – UGH. AND UGH TO THOSE STUPID DOCTORS!!! How on earth are they allowed to practice!?!