Pop goes the weasel!
Wait, what does that even mean? It’s kind of graphic if you really think about it.
Okay, but really, have any of you ever felt like you could pop like that weasel? Ahem, Thanksgiving… Christmas… Thursday?
(I think I am retaining a lake)
I’m talking about feeling as if helium was pumped into your stomach like a cheap balloon.
We’re lucky though, because we can walk around with record-breaking 1800 pound pumpkins in our stomachs (oh thank you all-you-can-eat buffets), and no one, except maybe our mother or significant other, would flinch at the sight of our “pregnancy”.
(Check out my sister and me after one of our huge sushi binges! I’m on the left.)
Celebrities on the other hand are constantly being raped by cameras from all angles causing headlines of innumerable rag mags to scream: PREGNANT WITH QUADRUPLETS!
(Whacha hiding under there Scarlett?!?! Are you picking up a PREGNANCY TEST or… Pepto-Bismol?)
If celebrities took certain deflating approaches, those “gossip gazettes” would most likely file for bankruptcy because they would have no content to print!
- Switch to distilled water for a few days. This type of water is like a (good) natural disaster on your body, flooding out excess salt and fluids.
- Pop ginger root to beat bloat. Gingersnap cookies don’t count! That weird dinosaur in the produce section is what you should be noshing on.
- Use vinegar as a dressing on your salad or just dump it down your throat. This is the only time acid is good for you!
- Slow down when you’re hoovering in that extra-large burrito, guac, chips and salsa. It will still be there in five minutes from now, unless your dining companion is Tim “Eater X” Janus.
- Watch your sodium intake. Sushi may taste good with soy sauce, but the entire bottle is a little much, don’t you think?
- Take probiotics. Not all bacteria is bad for you!
- Munch on some parsley or fennel seeds so when you eat those onions, you can ward off a buddha belly and turtle breath.
Celebs (oh yea, and the rest of you too)… if you pay attention to these “rules” and you may just go from;
to…
She may just be a freak though!
- How do you “de-puff” your stuff?
Related articles
- Pop goes the weasel (forexlive.com)
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- “In” Lipstick Color Has An Awful Name (thegloss.com)