Would you look at that!?
Now you’re thinking: What? What? (right?)
THE PAGES OF CHAPTER 2017 in the E-BOOK (because WHO reads REAL books anymore) entitled YOUR LIFE… Is coming to a close!
I warn you of this “ending” only because I am sure some of you may have gotten a bit too invested in this last chapter; didn’t want you to have heart palpitations when all of a sudden the chapter ended!
Hey, don’t worry, I am not about to give away spoilers or anything…
I mean, I ain’t Miss. Cleo, after all. And honestly, thank goodness for that because the last chapter of the “telepathic” fake-Jamaican’s book was in 2016! I wonder if she predicted her own death?
Har. Har. Har. Was that insensitive?
You know, I’d tell you how my book’s chapter 2017 went because at this point, you all know I am an “OPEN BOOK” (ha!) but… I admit that I don’t really read books anymore so… Yeah, there’s that.
Whoops? Am I supposed to be embarrassed by that, because I am totally not.
Speaking of open books… I have some things I need to get off my chest.
That I named my “lady friends” Mary-Kate and Ashley? See. Told you. OPEN BOOK… But no, that’s not what I wanted to discuss with you…
First of all, since it’s the holidays, and Christmas is oh, like tomorrow… Or maybe even yesterday, last week, or 4 months ago (?) depending on when you’re reading this post… You are probably hyperventilating over what to get… INSERT HARDEST PERSON TO BUY GIFTS FOR ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET HERE (… GiGi).
So first things first, like I said… I am going to suggest some gifts that even I would totally want to unwrap (because I am the hardest person to buy gifts for apparently) on Christmas Eve because let’s be real, I can’t wait… While wearing my cozy giraffe onesie but of course.
I have said it before, and I will say it again. It’s time you get FRIED. But not really though, because air-fryers don’t really FRY FOOD… Air fryers cook food by circulating hot air around it. A mechanical fan in the contraption circulates the hot air around the food at a high speed, cooking it and producing a crispy layer via the Maillard effect. Fancy terminology, I know. See, I don’t need to read books… Googling this information, as my air fryer does the dirty work, is good enough!
Since mine recently kicked the bucket, as you guys saw in this video, I want another one; BADLY… Because when ice cream makers actually work, MOUTHGASMS will soon ensue. I kid you not. I mean, have you seen my recipe videos where my ice cream maker (RIP buddy, RIP) swoops in to give me the cream!? And who doesn’t like creamy goodness in their mouth… And sometimes face? What can I say, I am a messy eater…
At this point, you have only seen suggestions for food-related gifts. Sorry about that, but who the FORK doesn’t like food? Exactly. Also, who in the FORK does not like crinkle cut fries? If you don’t… Feel free to leave my blog right now (and head to my YouTube channel? ha!). Crinkle Cut fries are what aided me to win over my husband’s mouth… As he has said that my fries… I MAKE IN THE AIR FRYER… Are better than ALL (fast food, fast casual and sit down) RESTAURANT FRIES (yes, he has eaten EVERY SINGLE FRY on the face of the planet)! And coming from the man with the most particular of tastebuds, as you may recall from our taste testing videos, I feel like I won a FORKING Nobel Prize. Is that a thing? Getting a Nobel Prize for making the best French Fries? Can I make it a thing? I bet Donald Trump would say it’s a great idea! I know I just convinced you, convinced you that you (or whomever you are buying gifts for) needs one of these babies and, um, needs an air fryer too? Muah! Ha! Ha!
Since not EVERYONE is as obsessed with food as I am, WEIRDOS, why don’t you gift them with a Whole Foods Gift Card? Ha! I kid, ALTHOUGH, Amazon does offer up Whole Foods Gift cards (and they did even before partnering) so essentially if you gave someone an Amazon Gift Card, they could go buy themselves a Whole Foods Gift Card with it. TRIPPY. No, but seriously. Did you know that when I got married, I registered on Amazon? Because Amazon is… I am going to say it… AMAZING. If you don’t know this by now, do you live in North Korea? Amazon offers legit EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING I TELL YOU! I have purchased FRESH MEAT on there… And um, I remember the first year I started blogging, I became an Amazon affiliate and well, I saw through my affiliate records that someone bought a “lady toy” through my affiliation… SO yeah, THEY HAVE EVERYTHING. Also, as you MAY KNOW (unless you do live in North Korea, then how the heck are you reading my blog, by the way?) they have expanded to offer up FRESH grocery and restaurant delivery! WHAM BAM… THANK YOU, AMAZON! This gift card is not as impressional as just giving straight cash, but not so hyper-focused that you have to worry that you got so and so something they may cringe over (let them be the one to get their own vibrator?).
Okay, okay, if you’re the type that REALLY wants to get creative (cause Amazon is kind of a lazy gift, but shit, if that’s the case, I LOVE lazy gifts)… Personalized Creations will… Give you wet dreams? Yeah, you hear “personalized creations” and think, ugh, another cheesy-ass website that sells cheap-ass crap… NO THANKS! This is simply NOT THE CASE, MY FRIEND. NOT THE CASE! The quality you get from this company is NOT DOLLAR STORE MATERIAL. It’s like the Rolls Royce of the personalized gift companies! Ornaments, pillows, stockings, frames, clothes, wall decor, sports specific gifts and my personal favorite… BLANKIE TAILS… Dare I say, I CAN’T EVEN with all the stuff I wanted on that website…
Sadly, Personalized Creations doesn’t have a personalized Nerf Machine Gun, but at the same time, you wouldn’t have to worry about anyone taking your gun because they wouldn’t get to you without being pelted by your automatic AMMO. Okay, so yeah, is this gift essential for life? No. Is it more effective than an alarm system in your house? No. Could it hurt your house pet? No…? But is it fun as shit? Yes. Will it remind you of when you were 10 years old and make you sad that kids no longer play outside? Yes!
Since you are OBVIOUSLY going to buy the Nerf Machine Gun gift for… Yourse… Little Timmy. Yes, Little Timmy. He (you) needs a sick-ass shooting mask to complete his (your) badassery. My talented AF Instagram friend Kandice… It’s a KNITTING MASTER and has swooped in to aid in completing your “combat” look by offering up what she calls Character Hoods. These hoods that resemble fierce animals like fox, (different types of) bears, tigers, unicorns, deer, dinosaurs and of course, the OH SO DANGEROUS bumblebee, will only have your “enemies” shaking in their boots. The best part about these hoods that hug your head oh so comfortably… THEY ARE 100% MADE BY HAND, hence why Kandice is a KNITTING MASTER!
Okay. I am done with suggestions because legit these are the only things I would want this holiday season… (which means, everyone does?) Okay, I lie, I really want a private plane? Teleporting pad? All you can eat FREE OF CHARGE sushi for the rest of my life? Enough about me… If YOU need other suggestions… Becuase you think what I listed above sucks, well FORK YOU… Ha! No, no, I’m kidding… You can check out my GIFT IDEA GUIDES I posted last year… And the year before! (click those links people).
Or you can check out THIS website!
Oh so you think I am done talking, do you?
AH HA HA HA HA HA HA! Puh-LEEZE!
You DO recall my saying I have to get “a few” things off my chest… Right? So go pee if you have to… But come right back because there is something else I need to say!
You back? You cool? Bladder empty?
Because I don’t want you to pee over all the excitement you’re going to have for me when I tell you my other bit of news? Anddddd that sounded insanely selfish, I kid. I kid. OR DO I?
Here goes the second bit of information I have to tell you: I’m going to see my babies!
Before your mind TOTALLY BLOWS A LOAD… YOU SHOULD PROBABLY CHECK OUT MY LAST YOUTUBE VIDEO OF 2017… TO GAIN SOME CLARITY (and learn a few other things about me as this video is actually a Q & A too)!
By the way…
I am going to be taking ONE MONTH OFF FROM BLOGGING and YOUTUBING. ONE MONTH, PEOPLE!
WHICH OBVIOUSLY MEANS… This will be the LAST POST of 2017 on GIGI EATS CELEBRITIES… I will be back mid-to-late JANUARY 2018 after all my travels!
Before you FREAK OUT (I just keep buttering myself up now don’t I?)… Let it be known that while I may be leaving my computer(s) behind when I travel for the holidays… This DOES NOT mean I won’t have my phone… I.E. I WILL STILL BE POSTING ON INSTAGRAM… So if you need a GIGI FIX, go follow me over there!
And with that… I say, HAPPY FORKING HOLIDAYS! I TRULY APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WHO COMES TO VISIT ME EVERY WEEK and I look forward to seeing/hearing about ALL of your holidays next year!
I HOPE YOUR HOLIDAYS ARE… THE TITS!
SO TELL ME…
- Holiday plans… What are they?!
- Which family member that you’re seeing this year… Drives you bat-shit crazy?
- Will you be taking a SOCIAL MEDIA break this holiday season at all?
- What’s on your holiday gift list?
- Out of the items I listed above, what would you want and why?
- Have you ever been to Africa?
- Did you watch my last video of the year… Where I reveal WTF I am talking about when I say “babies” and… And a whole bunch of other stuff?!