The D Train: Are You On It?

As you may remember… In all of the MEN IN BLACK movies… Extraterrestrials walk among human-beings, posing as humans themselves… And aside from Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, and the rest of the MIB gang… Human beings are oblivious…. Although… Sometimes we do suspect…

Alien GiGi Dubois


What if I told you that… this movie is very much NONFICTIONWell, okay… If you relate it to… FOOD
Shocked GiGi Face


I guess the “aliens walking among us” idea could actually be real, but WHO REALLY KNOWS because the MIB are just so damn good at their job! 

GiGi is Confused
Stashed away in the aisles of grocery stores… In your pantries… Restaurant walk-in refrigerators… School cafeteriasVending machines… Your backpack or purse… And even your sock drawer… Lurk food “ETs” posing as “healthful”… But in fact, they’re not. 
grocery store aisle
The problem is… A multitude of us get extremely confused by the food’s facade, leaving us convinced that they’re acceptable to nosh on. 
food labels
Well, just call me “Agent Jay“… Because I am BUSTING THESE FAKERSSpecifically TWO that so many people believe are health food royalty. 
  • To see which foods I am SHOOTING with my Noisy Cricket, watch the latest GEC.

Funnily enough, I did not have an epic MIB marathon in order to get me thinking about healthy food fakers. I actually saw the movie The D Train, starring Jack Black and James Marsden (in theaters May 8)… 
the d train
When I saw the letter D… Lots of words came to mind, (tee he he he)… Shockingly the word: DELUSIONAL truly “aroused” me (oh yes!)… Because there are so many misconceptions about what healthy foods actually are and they delude us
Jack Black GiGi Dubois James Marsden
Food companies convince a majority of us to believe what is in fact just not true. It’s ALL ABOUT the Benjamin’s… Oh snap, another movie reference! 
all about the benjamins
The two main characters in the movie The D Train also boast fabricated deceptions of themselves… Which ultimately… Well, I can’t give away the movie now can I?! 



  • What health food fakers can you admit to chowing down on?
  • How many of you think rice cakes, pressed juices and vegetable chips are healthy?
  • When was the last time you saw any Men in Black movie?
  • Who would you rather enjoy some grass-fed/finished plain yogurt (or a vegan variety) with: Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones?
  • Do you pay attention to portion sizes on food labels?
  • Crunchy or Creamy? 

James Marsden Yoplait GiGi

PS: I apologize for the spacing on this post – WORDPRESS can be quite the A-Hole… Yes? To make up for it… Here is another picture of James Marsden… And his stunning teeth!

Waste Not, Want Not Wednesday


  1. I’ve never had yogurt or granola. Didn’t like them before I ever knew anything about nutrition. Just lucky, I guess.

    I skip the middle cow, pig, sheep, etc and just go straight for the grass being mostly vegan :-)

    I do like to have salt-free pretzels so I’m on the crunchy side.

    There is a box of Ezekiel sprouted grain pasta in the pantry that I tried, hated, and am saving for the second coming.

    • Oh I hear that a TON about Ezekiel products! I remember when my mom fed me that stuff when I was in grade school, lets just say, no one was trading me their food for my tuna salad Ezekiel bagel! LOL!!!

  2. Oh his teeth are stunning. And I am totally guilty of almost all list. I love my yogurt and it is from a brand that well has a great facade.

    • Ha Ha Ha! Well hopefully you can decrease your intake of THAT brand and swap to something a little better for ya? I’m only looking out for you, but hey, if you wanna give me the middle finger while chowing down on your favorite, that’s allowed too! 😉

  3. I’m actually studying DNA and food (and food additives) right now, so you are talking total truth here! If labels came with the reality of what’s in the foods that are marked “healthy” not a damn soul would buy them! I am totally guilty of the granola. I just tried one made by The Food Doctor which I got at Whole Foods. It really wasn’t very sweet so I don’t think it had a lot of sugar, but yeah, I am always blown away by the 1/4 cup serving size for the amount of fat and calories. Nuts are definitely a better option, for sure! I hear walnuts and cashews more than life. Also, you’re so adorable!

    • YOU HAVE TO READ THOSE LABELS DUDE… Seriously!!! You learned first hand! Even some canned TUNA has sugar in it, UM WHAT??!?!?!?!?!??!?! Drives me BANANASSSSSSS! Oh and dried bananas – loads of sugar too, LOL! We are drowning in a world of added sugar!

  4. Well look at that, it all came together! :) I’m all about that organic grass fed James Marsden…..mmmm butter my biscuits.

    • It came together – now if only you and I can “come together” … Oh wait, that totallyyyyyy came out WRONG! I mean visit each other!!! Yes, really!

  5. Bahaha this post is absurd. Love it. I don’t really pay attention to portion sizes on labels. I mainly just check out the ingredient list and if it is good to go then I will chow down.

    • I’m kinda like that too – I look at the ingredients and if they pass my SCREENING PROCESS – down the hatch! 😉

      And when are my posts not absurd… I really don’t understand my brain…… Ever. LOL

      if Ill eat it then I WILL EAT ITTTT!

  6. Microwave popcorn! It’s soooooo bad, but I ALWAYS get it trans-fat free even though it’s so much better to make your own!!

  7. I’ve never seen the D train, and your video laugh of what “D” train you are referring too, had me laughing so darn hard girl lol. I really loved reading this Gigi.

    K / House of KTS (formerly of Pure & Complex)

    • 😉 My mind is always in that gutter! The D Train comes out this Friday – so you will have plenty of opportunities to see it!

  8. You are wonderful! I try to pay attention to ingredients most of the time but admit I sometimes eat ‘snacky’ foods that pretty much have no nutritional value. What I don’t like is when companies market things as healthy for kids when they’re def not. That ticks me off!

    • I’m wonderful? Um. WAY TO MAKE MY TUESDAY! I can go back to bed now because the day has been made. LOL!

      Oh and I hear you about the kid food – it’s downright ridiculous. Fruit Roll Ups… YEAHHH NOT FRUIT! STFU food companies!

  9. No yogurt, definitely not the flavored variety, nly organic white, and no cereal. Haven’t consumed any – granola or not, for years. And glad I didn’t. Fun, and informational Gigi. You are the best.

    • I am glad you haven’t either! Sounds like you have a very smart head on those shoulders 😉

  10. So so cool that you met James Marsden!! Ugh it bothers me when people think rice cakes are “healthy”…which I guess is a relative term, anyway!

    • OH THAT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH! I saw a post on FB about how healthy rice cakes are and I wanted to throw my computer out the window!

  11. Hi GiGi! Yes, I was one of those people that used to think yogurt and granola were healthy choices. As a matter of fact I used to eat them together (I liked a little crunch in my yogurt). :( I do pay attention to serving size though. I love nuts so I guess I’ll stick to that. 😛

  12. Haha – GiGi – you are nuts! Speaking of nuts though…I will take some mixed nuts over granola ANYDAY! Nuts or granola – there’s really no comparison!
    I found out that there was dairy free cream cheese the other day – so I gotta look for that coconut yogurt next! I am horrible with portion sizes and labels … and I hate to admit – I’ve been a connoisseur of that yogurt you had in your video!

    • Dairy – free cream cheese SCARES ME! LOL!!!

      And um, I don’t blame you for being a connoisseur of the yogurt from my video…… He’s HUNKY 😉

  13. Great blog post here, very funny! I eat a ton of junk food, recently been trying to cut back also quit drinking pop, now it water for the most part some juice here and there, also quit smoking and started to work out again ! Winning my health back lol Thanks again for the awesome post!

    • I am BEYOND THRILLED – and I mean BEYOND THRILLED to hear this!!! I am rooting for you Corey! I hope you stick around each Tuesday for new updates because I would love to follow your healthy status! :)

  14. i’m sorry.. i just drooled all over the whole post while reading… James marsden. Um, sign me up. but honestly, health food fakers make me mad. Boo hiss!

  15. The veggie chips thing drives me crazy! How are they any different from french fries really?! People see the word veggie and they think it’s healthy. It’s tough! Always love how you creatively you weave things into your story.


  16. I see a couple things making an appearance in this video!!! :)

    I always buy plain yogurt – add my own things! I also am a label reader for portion size & everything else on it!

    I work Mothers & Sprouts for demos & people are clueless! :)

    Now you know I am a balance in life person BUT I make my choices & like you said, I rather add my own stuff to yogurt & same with granola – very few good alternatives!

    WP – the formatting has been driving me crazy lately – WTF!!!

    • Technology is just straight up annoying! I wish I could boycott it much like I have all these “health food fakers” in my life! 😉

      I would never ever boycott my twins though!

  17. WOW!! I love the humor and the way you present nutrition info!! Too cute! You give some great ideas to alternatives and I like to add that for anyone who likes to make their own, I have a raw grass-fed yogurt recipe here:

    And a grain free (soaked buckwheat or use just nuts and seeds to make it Paleo) here:

    • WHOA!! Make your own grass-fed yogurt?! NOW THAT IS AWESOME! And a grain-free granola. Holy Moly! I should have been introduced to you SOONER!! I could have promoted your awesomeness in my video! 😉

      • Your hilarious AND sweet :)! Grass-fed yogurt is pretty simple and so is the grain free granola, just takes good quality ingredients and patience :)
        I swear I can’t get enough of your web content, if only my darn laptop would stop freezing on me!! You are like a fresh-unique comedian for the real foods/ health world that is much needed, keep it up!!

        • THANK YOU AUDRY! YOU honestly just made my ENTIRE DAY – and it’s been a rough one, so THANK YOU! :)

  18. Mostly when I read labels I’m looking for animal products. I try to not believe anything but the actual ingredients. They can’t lie about that.

    • I can understand that! Have you ever started eating something, only to look at the ingredients and become horrified that you missed an ingredient that is actually an animal product?

  19. NO! NO! NO! to everything, it’s all a scam. If i didn’t make it it’s most likely not healthy, BUT that isn’t keeping me from stuffing my face with this all natural chocolate biscotti made in Italy. Yes that’s fine, don’t judge me I have my cheat days but at least I don’t lie to myself. Freaking biscotti is not healthy and it is not good for me. But you know what ? I can afford it, 2 of them because I had kale soup for lunch 3 days in a row ! If that makes any sense 😛

    • Ah ha ha ah! I don’t judge! I simply let people make their own food decisions, I just say what I believe from careful research 😉

      Stick a biscotti in your kale soup, yes? LOL!!!!!! This may sound weird but I have never had a biscotti before.

  20. Hey GiGi! Awesome post! “They” make it so hard for people honestly trying to love healthier. All of the false labels are very misleading nowadays. Thanks for bringing awareness to the subject!

    • THEY – I hate “THEY” — ha ha! I wish I knew who exactly THEY were so I could kick their booties! 😉

  21. I try not to ride the D Train too much but man, every once in a while I get sidetracked and I’m ALL ABOARD (not really, just like a chip here and there).

  22. I guess I am lucky to not care for yogurt that much!

  23. You are so funny girl. I enjoyed this post and your video. I’m not on that D train for sure lol. It amazes me how people fall for gimmicks I’m like if you can’t pronounce it. DONT EAT IT!

    • RIGHT?! So many people fall for gimmicks!! Drives me nuts. Seriously. And when people say things that are just SO COMPLETELY WRONG when it comes to food, I am utterly shocked! Seriously? You didn’t know that sugar is a carb? LOL.

  24. Ooh, Friday night date idea! D-train. But NOT that kind of D-train.. haha.. maybe we’re on the same page, GiGi. Maybe we are.
    Creamy! That’s my final answer.
    As for food fakers, I’m usually pretty aware of all those “diet” foods and fads are not good for you. There are these crackers. They’re called “Superfood Crackers” and they have broccoli in them. You can get them at Target.
    I don’t really think they’re healthy. I think eating broccoli is healthy. But I really do LOVE these crackers.

    • LMFAO! I want to have a Friday night D-train night! LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Perhaps I will try and make this happen?

      And wtf are this broccoli crackers. I don’t think I want to even google it because, I might got on a rant and you may wind up wanting to smack me. ah ha ha!

  25. I’d rather eat yogurt with Will Smith, he seems more fun, obviously. Plus, I’m still mad that TLJ won an Oscar for basically being sarcastic in a movie. Fun Fact: James Marsden & Jada Pinkett-Smith (a.k.a Mrs. Will Smith) and I all share a birthday.

  26. Yeah, I wanted to poke my teachers’ eyeballs out too. 😉 Really good rant — I’m always amazed at people eating 100 calories of sugar in a container of yogurt and somehow thinking it’s good stuff.

  27. I’m always amazed at how much crap is in some yogurts! The brand you shared sounds amazing though. I sometimes eat KIND granola, but it still packs a big calorie punch. I like to sprinkle it on my yogurt, ironically. I’m always looking at labels and am shocked by some of the mystery ingredients in EVERYTHING!

  28. ahhhh i used to have SUCH the crush on James Marsden! such a cutie. i was hooked on him from that show a million years ago, Second Noah…which nobody but me seems to recall. crunchy pb all the way. foods i pretend are healthy that still prob aren’t….quinoa chips, pop chips, all those things. whoops. :)

    • Oh man, I am sorry to say but I have no idea what that show is either, LOL!!! But now I must discover it so I can swoon over a younger James Marsden! he he. Friday Night plans, here I come!

  29. Funny enough I have a yogurt on my desk right now, but it claims to be 9% fat so no faking. I actually ignore labels a lot cause I know it is so much BS. I know there is more calories in my home smoothies than I want to think lol….oops.

    • Ah ha ha~ I KNEW someone reading/watching this post would have yogurt on their desk or in their mouth, he he he.

      What brand was it?

  30. It’s incredible how big food companies can pull this off and nobody really seems to care. I mean, ok, food babe comes along with her magnifiying glass every now and then, but thats about it. It’s so bad, it’s almost fascinating.

  31. Great post and I’m totally with you on James Marsden! I’ve loved that hottie since The Notebook!!! To think, that poor girl had to choose between him and Ryan Gosling…LOL

    Thanks so much for linking up with #ShareTheWealthSunday!


    • I really need to re-watch the NOTEBOOK because I don’t remember him being in it AT ALL! 😮

  32. I love your analogy! Hope to see the movie someday!

  33. Let’s talk about your portion sizes and KABOCHA

    • Um…. Lets not! 😉 Oh wait, no we can – cause I am proud to say I can eat like 10 pounds in a sitting!!!

  34. You mean gluten-free and vegan don’t mean eat all you want?! *shocked look8

  35. Whoa! No more granola for me unless I make it myself! If I’m going to have that much sugar I’m eating cheesecake!

  36. My weakness is organic dark chocolate! They say a little is actually good for you. (I just have trouble stopping at a little) :)

  37. I have be known to have a “healthy” cereal bar from time to time. Mostly they are sugar posing as good for you. What gorgeous teeth on that Jack Black 😉

  38. Heck I eat too many fake healthy food to even name. I will probably continue to pretend they are healthy too lol. Great post thanks for sharing at #HomeMattersParty

  39. This is “D” light’ fulllllllll :) My biggest treat is rice pudding it’s bad but what the hay. I try to eat animals and vegetable’s mostly and nut’s. I have found sugar free protein bars I eat at work with salad. I have eaten veggie chips :( and quinoa chips, I don’t worry about portions I just eat the whole bag. I have self reinforced delusions’ they are good for me. CRUNCHY !!! for me and I remember Chipkins they are great.

    • What are these sugar free protein bars?? And is it weird I have never had rice pudding before? Not sure if I can make a GiGi Approved one… But perhaps I should try! With Cauliflower?


  40. Granola and yogurt are THE WORST offenders. I think my biggest food faker is salad dressings. Unless you make your own, the list of ingredients in horrible. FYI- I love your brain. The things it comes up with are genius and hilarious. CRUNCHY!

    • Oh salad dressing, THEY ARE PRETTY DANG BAD but at least people aren’t DRINKING them 😉

      And um, my brain loves you too…. It truly does because you always grace it with your presence!

  41. I don’t even know what a rice cake is and I read food labels so carefully that I can spend 3 hours just to buy 4-5 items :)

  42. Yoghurts can be so full of sugar , I make my own now in my slowcooker so at least I know what is in it. Thanks for linking up to Pin Worthy Wednesday, I have pinned your post to the Pin Worthy Wednesday Pinterest Board.

  43. I stopped buying both a while ago – I saw their first ingredients as “sugar” and couldn’t do it. I try to make overnight “oatmeal” at home using the quick cooking oats and I do sweeten it but very lightly – nothing compared to what’s in those packages. Don’t hate on Jack Black he’s hilarious lOL :) I need a ticket on the D-Train now that you mentioned it 😛 hehhe Have a great weekend GiGi!! Have fun celebrating Mother’s Day (if you are) -Iva

  44. Those really are some teeth alright 😉 Yeah, I’ve totally been taken in before with the “natural” label on certain foods (like “protein bars” and “real fruit” roll-ups). But once I developed allergies a few years ago I’ve had to be scrupulous about reading ingredients, and reading labels became quite enlightening – and frightening 😉
    Thanks for sharing this on Waste Not Want Not Wednesday, Gigi, I’ve pinned it!

    • Food allergies true make you very suspicious of EVERYTHING you put in your body, because NOTHING feels worse than getting a food allergy reaction!

  45. Yep. Like veggie chips aren’t healthy. They are still chips, if you eat them you need to know you are still eating chips. They may be a better alternative than other chips, but still chips.

  46. I pay attention to portion sizes with the exception of veggies. I eat veggies like they won’t be around tomorrow. I’m talking heads of broccoli. Ginormous bowls of veggie salads. All the cabbage. I LOVE VEGGIES!

    I also have to say that now that I have Charlotte, I’m even more obsessive with things she’ll be eating. I hate how things are marketed as healthy for our little ones. Mommy will be checking the label for the majority of her foods. It’s okay if she has ‘junk’ food from time to time but my definition of ‘junk’ is far different from our societies. Minimal ingredients = minimal stress for me. :)

    • I eat veggies like there is NO tomorrow as well, but… My stomach hates me for that! LOL!!!

      And you’re so right, when you have a little one, you do pay extra attention! I know my sister will be like this too when her baby is born next month!

  47. Blech rice cakes! Thanks for posting. Hello from Motivation Monday.

  48. Ahhhh…Yes, you are so right about the “D-Train”…I used to ride the delusional train uptown, downtown and thought it was ok. My diet was filled with health food fakers – tons of fat free foods filled with sugars. I also thought it was ok to eat fake frozen yogurt every day. The list could go on and on and on…The sad thing is that my grandmother who would have been 99 years ago today always said we should all eat a whole food, plant based diet. It’s not rocket science…but we’ve all gotten accustomed to short cuts.

    • LOL I love your analogy of riding the D train uptown and downtown – ah ha ah aha! 😉 Thankfully I don’t think you’re on it any more!

  49. Hi GiGi,
    Heathy food fakers really piss me off too! That’s why my shopping cart rarely has anything in a box in it. I mostly buy fresh produce, grains, beans, etc and make my own meals. At least I know what’s in it! Thank you for exposing these healthy food fakers at the Healthy Happy Green and Natural Party! I am pinning and sharing!

  50. I always read food labels, but I have to say, I hardly purchase “boxed” or processed products anymore. My pantry is filled with nuts, dried fruits, my canned pasta sauce, beans, grains, protein powder and nut butters. I’m all about good food cooked simply!

  51. You are my new favorite blogger! Where have you been all of my life?? Anywho, um so if I like one of the faikie food items, am I a fakie? Gulp…as I take a slurp of my yogurt and cringe. I know, but after the day I had changing diapers there are some real bingers I could be doing to lessen the sting of the day. Now onto a discussion of James Marsden and his teeth and good looks, ahhh! Dreamy!

    • OMG YOU just made my day and it’s only 7am!!! I can go back to bed now! LOL!!!

      I am sorry to hear your day was incredibly painful :( Hopefully my alternatives can sooth the sting too??

  52. Ahh yes I eat a lot of Greek yogurt, but certainly NOT Yoplait! And I love granola, but I usually make it myself or there’s this Nature Valley kind that has 10 g protein in a serving that I’ll sprinkle onto things (like my yogurts haha).

  53. I was totally on the D-train but I read the book I Quit Sugar and, well, I quit sugar. I’m completely away from processed foods. It’s unbelievable – and I’ve been doing this for over 6 weeks!!

    Great (and funny) post!

  54. I have definitely eaten fake healthy stuff to make myself think I am not eating junk. It kind of blows my mind how hard it is sometimes to buy real food and thst organic fruit and vegies, which are just in their natural state are heaps more expensive than their manipulated, sprayed in chemicals cousins. Is it really a surprise their is an obesity epidemic?!

    • RIGHT?! THAT IS HOW I FEEL – I am more shocked by people are confused as to why there is an obesity epidemic too!!! Uhhhhh… The nutritional education in this world is so LACK THERE OF – it needs to be at the forefront!

  55. Laughing very hard now.. glad it all came together. Thanks Gigi for sharing with us.

  56. Lmao, Thanks for a good laugh. you are amazing Gigi, you totally just made my day <3


  1. […] Health Food Fakers | Gigi Eats 2. Cheesy Chicken Enchilada Quinoa Casserole | Pink When 3. Raspberry Macaroons | […]

  2. […] Health Food Fakers | Gigi Eats 2. Cheesy Chicken Enchilada Quinoa Casserole | Pink When 3. Raspberry Macaroons | […]

  3. […] Health Food Fakers | Gigi Eats 2. Cheesy Chicken Enchilada Quinoa Casserole | Pink When 3. Raspberry Macaroons | […]

  4. […] Health Food Fakers | Gigi Eats 2. Cheesy Chicken Enchilada Quinoa Casserole | Pink When 3. Raspberry Macaroons | […]

  5. […] recently posted about food (prepackaged) you think is good for you, but when you dive deep and check out the ingredients […]