Pregnant with a Cheesy Gordita

Hey, check it out, a ticking time bomb.

Jess, question. Did Eric implant a baby elephant in your belly because the way you have been eating has a lot of us very confused and some even a little concerned.

Kiddie cereals, macaroni and cheese, southern fried… EVERYTHING and buttered pop tarts? Your baby sounds like it is training to beat the Black Widow in a food eating competition!

Unless you want to give birth to a baby sumo wrestler, you may want to rethink your dietary choices, although, since you’re so far along in your pregnancy, it may be pointless for you at this point.

Gaining more than 35 pounds during the nine months leading up to the “amazing fiesta” in the delivery room, can lead to numerous problems including hypertension and diabetes. The heavier you get, the larger your baby gets and the more likely you will have deliver the baby via c-section. Scars are so not in Jessica, luckily I am sure you’re team of beauty experts already bought out the department store section of scar erasing lotions!

And even though you signed a deal with Weight Watchers as motivation to sweat off those ice cream and twinkie binges, losing the baby weight is still going to be as grueling as climbing Mt. Everest during Nepal‘s worst blizzard in history.

Now it may sound as if I am attacking you Jess, but I really am not! I am team Simpson ALL THE WAY! I am just concerned for you and your baby’s health. I want you to be as healthy as you possibly can during this time of your life that apparently you have been waiting for since you pretty much popped out of your mother’s womb!

So congratulations Jessica… and Eric, but do you really need to continue to eat enough for a family of ten on Thanksgiving?

Comments

  1. If I was a celebrity and had a story written judging me on the food I’m seen eating, It would be tough. I guess I’m just sensitive to this issue as I lost 150lbs and struggle with eating disorder but I say let her be. If she does have an eating disorder, reading something like this would be counter productive and actually make her get worse( that would be the common reaction of someone with food addiction) being overweight and obese is something that is not explainable and then losing that weight is a battle that no one can understand unless they have been there—–Michael Mazzella

  2. Hi, I log on to your blogs like every week. Your humoristic style is awesome,
    keep up the good work!

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