Crushing On A Cuisine

Chicken_Shawarma_Hummus

I am absolutely in love with… Joe. He is insanely robust and tantalizing… HUBBA. HUBBA. You might be a bit taken aback by my aroused confession (and possibly confused by the swirling hunk of awesome above) considering at this point you probably all know that I have a fella in my life that ain’t your average Joe… He’s wayyyyyyyy above average But don’t be… Because he and I have a very open relationship… WHEN IT COMES TO FOOD that is! [Read On!]

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I Was Poisoning Myself…

I_WAS_POISONING_MYSELF

Over here in THE STATES… It’s full-on SPRINGTIME! And you know what that means!? Ladies… It’s time to start wearing bras and shaving your legs again… And gentlemen… DAMMIT! So lucky! You don’t have to shave your legs or wear bras! AND YOU GET TO PEE STANDING UP! Or do you? Well while you may certainly want to CONSIDER doing those things (but hey, do what you want!)… What really comes to mind when I think “springtime” is: Spring cleaning. It’s time [Read On!]

Superheroes Making Salads In The Kitchen

SuperheroSuperfoodSalads

If duck-billed platypi could talk… They’d probably tell you that I am a Shetland pony-sized azure-colored sparkling mystical unicorn who comes up with the most repulsive sounding and looking recipes that actually taste quite scrumptious… Cause they’ve tried my concoctions before?   Does anyone know if Food Network is casting for a new show called: WORLD’S UGLIEST RECIPE MAKER… Because IF THEY ARE, someone alert me! HOT DAMN, I need to audition. That being said, the latest repulsive-looking recipes my stunning [Read On!]

Marvel Over These Superhero Superfoods

Captain-America-Civil-War-GiGi-Eats-Celebrities

I may have cork-screwed myself off many big air jumps, popped off of half-pipe lips and thrown myself down cliff drops in the past… I may have even tamed bucking broncos back in the day… And currently… I may even be in a constant barbarous battle between my forever arch nemesis… But even though my past and present pursuits sound straight out of a Marvel Comic… They actually don’t even come THE TINIEST BIT CLOSE to say… Captain America having to live in [Read On!]

We’re “Pretty Happy” About These Recipe!

Salmon and Hummus

What if I told you that the Food Pervert and I went to a star-studded Hollywood event the other night… Where we chatted with the swoon-worthy Kate Hudson… Who was wearing a salmon-colored, glute-highlighting dress (oh you want to know the brand? Yeah, F that… You came to the WRONG website if you want to know about fashion…), accented with emerald green drop earrings and bright yellow pumps. <—  Just had to emphasize this fashion statement…  Sure, this sounds like a mishmash [Read On!]

You’ll Flip Over These Sweet Pancake Recipes!

Sweet Potato Pancakes

I ran into an “arch nemesis”* I’ve had, since I was running around in Huggies, the other day at the grocery store. Literally… Ran into. I caused a bit of a scene, actually. A few tomatoes sadly met their demise.  Clearly I am as suave as a bat. Anywho… This “enemy” of mine, with a rather interesting orangy-brown tan, I might add, just stared at me, with what seemed like an almost terrified expression… As if I might attack. My facial expressions [Read On!]

Avocados Get Brownie Points

Bitchin Brownie Blondie Hybrid

Riddle me this… What’s dark brown… Moist… And can be rather dense. Really… Did your mind REALLY… Just go there. HOW OLD ARE YOU?! Let’s practice some maturity people! So no. I am NOT talking about THAT. Get your mind out of the shitter. Literally? Now while you have probably completely lost your appetite at this point, thinking about… Well… YOU KNOW… I am going to try my best to bring it on back! Did that help? Eh, you’re probably now [Read On!]

Attacking The Snack… This Junk Foodie Taste Tests “Healthy” Snacks

healthy food taste test

There is no doubt in my mind that when you wander through the aisles of your local grocery store… You wonder if… You’ll see a completely HAMMERED Tony the Tiger juggling bananas while jumping on a trampoline. Oh wait… Just me? But in all “seriousness”… You probably ponder… Whether or not that bag of eye-catching chocolate covered “skinny” popcorn is actually tasty… If you should risk it and buy that fruit and grain no-mess snack for the moments when you’re stuck in traffic [Read On!]

Making Meatzas With Molly Sims

PicMonkey Collage Meatza

So you think supermodels don’t eat. HOWEVER…  That FORK is WORKING IT into Kate Moss‘s mouth! Tyra Banks is MAKING LOVE to the Twinkie… Alessandra Ambrosio is “tearing the sheet” out of those fries and steak! The Food Pervert and I… Auditioning for the next Carl’s Jr ad? Clearly… Supermodels eat. Wait… You didn’t know Pervy and I are supermodels? Were you born yesterday?  Tee He He. Welp… I guess if you were… Then I am going to have to introduce you [Read On!]

You should CARROT About This Cake Cookies!

Zootopia-Carrot-Cake-Cookies

If we had it our way… We would live in UTOPIA… A world in which everything is perfect. Sure, the word PERFECT is a relative term… But in general… I’d hope we’d all want (aside from the above)… For someone to invent a bed that makes itself.  A mute button for THAT person who just won’t STFU! That “special” someone in your life to offer up his/her back massage “services” and not ask for anything in return.  Bottles to not be shaped [Read On!]

Don’t Do That! Do This!

Salmon-Skin-Asparagus-1

I bet you’re guilty of doing something this past week that… I find to be a complete and utter TRAVESTY… Something that actually might even bring me TO TEARS. And let me tell you… It’s easier to bring the Mona Lisa to tears than it is me. Did you happen to roast, grill, bake, sauté, or even poach in the dishwasher, salmon, this past week… Then… Cram it in your mouth with a huge, happy smirk on your face… Only to… DISPOSE OF ITS SKIN?!? [Read On!]