That’s Greasy

If you want a smoking hot body like Paris Hilton

Kate Upton

Padma Lakshmi

and Audrina Partridge…

Then perhaps it’s time you put on or go buy your skimpy bathing suit (gentleman, this means nut huggers for you) and submerge yourself into a meaty triple decker tur-por-chick-hamburger with all the fixings. Don’t you dare forget the ketchup!

Thank you Carl’s Jr. for this superb, albeit slightly smelly, diet trick.

In all seriousness though, the only reason why these luscious ladies are giving their burgers the “come-hither” stare is because the aroma of these “bun packages” has them all delusional! Do I smell a burger cologne in the near future?

Considering the average calorie count of a fast food joint’s meat mound is around 900, one would question what’s really in their secret recipes.

Eating burgers with such atrocious nutrition labels, even in the most seductive way possible, will only leave you feeling as sexy as an octopus with a stomach ache.

(“I need some Pepto-Bismol, STAT!”)

And while these “appetizing” ladies may indulge in a burger every so often, they’re more likely to be seen getting down and dirty with a tossed salad than a triple cheese, bacon, heart attacking inducing sloppy mess (Now that’s naughty…)

So if you ACTUALLY DO want a taut bikini body (summer is around the corner even if you see eight feet of snow outside) … Climb your way out of that meaty triple decker tur-por-chick-hamburger.

Oh and you can forget the ketchup.


  1. grosssssssss!! America’s Tweetheart is 100% meat free! :)


  2. This is a mad hilarious post but so true.

  3. Love your blog! Creatively genius. Pepto Bismo, STAT!

  4. I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award, check it out :)

  5. I saw Kim K. on Kourtney and Kim Take New York the other day and it looks like after her Carl’s Jr. ad she got stuck eating those Double Western Bacon Cheeseburgers for Lunch and Dinner… Her hips remind of an F350 with the dual rear wheels (Saddle Bags!!!). I’m sure she doesn’t forget the ketchup. 😀

  6. This post is absolutely hilarious and absolutely true. I would LOVE to repost this on my site with your permission and a link back.

  7. Is this why your brother likes Carl’s Jr so much?? 😉

  8. Nut huggers. Heeeeeeee

  9. Well said. Not one of these pics makes me want a burger. But maybe their aimed at guys. Note that none of these models has even taken a bite (Ok, there’s the pretend bite) because right after the shoot they threw that thing in the trash…or sold it to the highest bidder.

    • LMFAO – definitely SOLD IT to the highest bidder!! It’s so true though, there was definitely a trash can next to each of these ladies so they could spit the burger right now! Disgusting!

  10. There really is no truth in advertising, is there?

  11. THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  12. ewww…dat’s greaseeeeeeee


  1. […] look up to them? By stripping down to their skivvies and rubbing burgers all of their bodies (ahem, Carl’s Jr. ads) not only are they saying fast food and junk food are sexy (do chicken nuggets turn you on?) […]