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That’s Greasy

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If you want a smoking hot body like Paris Hilton

Kate Upton

Padma Lakshmi

and Audrina Partridge…

Then perhaps it’s time you put on or go buy your skimpy bathing suit (gentleman, this means nut huggers for you) and submerge yourself into a meaty triple decker tur-por-chick-hamburger with all the fixings. Don’t you dare forget the ketchup!

Thank you Carl’s Jr. for this superb, albeit slightly smelly, diet trick.

In all seriousness though, the only reason why these luscious ladies are giving their burgers the “come-hither” stare is because the aroma of these “bun packages” has them all delusional! Do I smell a burger cologne in the near future?

Considering the average calorie count of a fast food joint’s meat mound is around 900, one would question what’s really in their secret recipes.

Eating burgers with such atrocious nutrition labels, even in the most seductive way possible, will only leave you feeling as sexy as an octopus with a stomach ache.

(“I need some Pepto-Bismol, STAT!”)

And while these “appetizing” ladies may indulge in a burger every so often, they’re more likely to be seen getting down and dirty with a tossed salad than a triple cheese, bacon, heart attacking inducing sloppy mess (Now that’s naughty…)

So if you ACTUALLY DO want a taut bikini body (summer is around the corner even if you see eight feet of snow outside) … Climb your way out of that meaty triple decker tur-por-chick-hamburger.

Oh and you can forget the ketchup.