Once Upon A Time… I Had A Large Intestine: Part 1

Let me paint a little picture for all of you… But bear with me… I am no Vincent Van Gogh.

Vincent Van Gogh painting

Close your eyes and envision a girl… Laying on the cold, tiled bathroom floorGripping her knees and constantly thrashing about like a fish out of water… Sobbing and yelping like a dying Hyena.

As she rolls in an out of consciousness the only thoughts that go through her mind are:

“If this is what it feels like to give birth, well, I’m closing up ‘shop’.”

“A serial killer is on the loose in my intestines. I should write this as a screen play and send it to Spielberg.”

“I bet the Mall of America for insects is behind my wall… I don’t think I can handle a roller coaster right now.”

Now… Imagine this situation and random thoughts occurring unexpectedly every two weeks or so. I sometimes consider myself the real life Fiona (from Shrek)… because the pain that erupts from within typical transpires in the evening.

I even turn a slight shade of green!

 “By day one way, by night another.”

Fiona from Shrek, Before and After

Before I back track and tell you about my condition… I want you all to know that I am not seeking sympathy… This is not meant to be a sob story… Because really, I have a wonderful life and an amazing support system. I am simply revealing these very personal details of my life because…

1. A lot of you have asked…

2. I feel that I could possibly help others who might also experience the same excruciating pain that I endure on a regular basis.

Okay… now it’s time to back up to a very significant occurrence in my life.

One night a few years ago… I woke up around one in the morning, faster than I would have if I heard the fire alarm sound, because I felt like I was the victim in a Freddy Kruger movie.

Freddy Krueger

I knew I wasn’t in labor… Cause, um, yeah, it takes two to “tango”… And I definitely wasn’t “tangoing” at this time in my life. However, I certainly did look like I could pass for Octomom.

Pregnant Octomom

While I had certainly experienced stomach pain and bloating in the past… This just felt DIFFERENT.

So while pacing back and forth in my then apartment… Much like Quasimodo in the bell tower of the Notre Dame… Trying to get comfortable and figure out what to do… I called my mom. Mom knows best, right?

Quasi Moto Hunchback of Notre Dame

I told her that it seemed as though my intestines won the bid to host the Winter Olympics and professional ice skaters were doing triple axels, trying to win the gold! (Did I mention earlier that I tend to think and say very weird things when I am in such pain?)

Olympic Ice Skaters FAIL

I recall my mother laughing a lot, which is actually quite rare for her, while I was squirming around like an inchworm, after a heavy spring rainfall. I finally told her that I am going to try and “sleep it off” because I mean, this pain could be compared to being completely inebriated, no?

Drunk Girls look like horses

That remedy failed worse than each Spice Girl trying to make it solo… For I was being wheeled out of my apartment building on a stretcher around nine that morning. Everyone who lived in my apartment complex lined up as if they were attending a red carpet premiere for the next big box office hit. If someone handed me a piece of paper, I probably would have signed it.


The ambulance ride was “fun”. They had an intern on staff that day. OH JOY! He did not know how to stick a needle in my arm to give me the much needed pain suppressant. I almost yelled at him like a woman in labor might for an epidural. After jabbing my arm multiple times, he finally hit a vein…

Let the party begin.

GiGi drinking Skinny Girl Cocktails


So Tell Me…

  • When you’re in pain, what type of animal noises do you make?
  • Have you ever felt as bloated as Octomom before? (Gentlemen, you can answer this question too!)
  • Have you ever been taken to the hospital via ambulance?
  • Ladies, who would you like to “cure” you: Dr. Douglas Ross (aka: George Clooney) or Dr. Derek Shepherd (Patrick Dempsey) or Dr. Mark Sloan (Eric Dane)?
  • Gents, what female doc would you like to take your temperature: Lexie Grey (Chyler Leigh) or Thirteen (Olivia Wilde) or Izzie Stevens (Katherine Heigl)?
  • Can you guess what’s happening with me at this current point in my story?

Don’t WORRY… Part Two of this FAIRY TALE coming soon! 

(*Sorry to say but this series of posts will NOT contain a video… I thought it would be far easier to simply write out the situation than to narrate it video style!*)


  1. Holding out for part 2, I know you don’t want sympathy but sounds like a terrible ordeal! Also, I don’t want to pick just one of those male doctors, I think all three could bring something different to heal me. 😉

    • Part two is a coming… I am glad I’ve got you hooked – ha! Do you experience any stomach issues?

      And right? All three would be pretty dang LOVELY to me!

  2. I’m glad that you are sharing your story! And in typical dubagee style. I woud say that I don’t make noise when I am in pain—there is always a yell, but theb the silence cones and you KNOW I am in trouble!

  3. That picture of Suleman will be hard to forget, thank you very much!!

    Your use of similes and metaphors is impressive and quite vivid!

    I’ve been pretty good at staying quiet with most pains, but sudden events like dislocating my shoulder have led to noises :-)

    No ambulance ride yet, though I have ridden as a passenger in our hospitals medevac helicopter.

    I can’t help saying I’m sorry you had to go through all that, and even more impressed that you are now the healthy person that you are!

    • :) Bad experiences only make you a stronger person, right?!

      Part 2 is a little more “vivid” with the similes and metaphors, LOL – I was on a roll 😉 Prepare yourself, LOL!

  4. Oh god. NOT PLEASANT :( You do a great job of making what sounds like a miserably horrendous experience just a little bit hilarious, but still, OWWW. I am such a pain wimp and reading made my insides hurt.

    • Ga! The last thing I want is for ANYONE ELSE’S INSIDES to hurt!! I’ll take the pain for you! I have to say, because of my issues, my pain tolerance is through the roof.. So I guess that’s a benefit? 😉

  5. Thank you for starting to share your story… and I think when it comes to discussing intestinal issues, it might be best to stick with no video :-0

  6. Boy You must be a comedian, an actor or both. I have not read such an interesting Blog post in so long…
    does that say something about me or my reading tastes lol! Suffice to say I am waiting with bated breath for the sequel, prequel, follow up you name it…Hit me upside down…I cant believe you are actually talking about a medical condition because definitely those descriptions of paid had me wondering what it is and laughing my head off as well. Power to you.

    • Ah ha ha! Well Julie I am BEYOND thrilled that you stopped by! And I am thrilled you want to come back for PART 2! Now I have to work on it, LOL! Oh the pressure – hopefully it doesn’t cause stomach issues 😉

      Not going to lie, even though this is a serious matter, I am thrilled I had you laughing – he he!

  7. Looking forward to part two…

    When I have a lot of dairy or sometimes random grains I will swell up and look like I am pregnant. Someone told me that they are lactose intolerant but can drink raw milk, so I tried some from a friend’s farm and I thought an alien was going to burst out of me. Sooooo I can’t drink raw milk.

    • Oh DAIRY causes my issues too for SURE!!!!!!!! That was my first known food intolerance – ugh. Food is just tainted in the states… When I was in NZ, I had almost NO complications! 😮

  8. Well done, you kept this at a perfect length, broke up the text with enough pictures, AND left your reader wanting more!!! I know your story, but I want to know EVERY INCH WORM DETAIL so this is fun. Love it.

  9. Love that you are sharing this part of your story! Proud of you girlie!

  10. LOL how have you made something so serious sound so funny! I can’t wait for part two! Visiting form Maybe She Made It Link Party :)

    • Thanks Sharon, I appreciate you stopping by! :) I try and make light of all situations… Even if they’re not so wonderful – because I know, there could be worse things in life!

  11. GiGi! Thanks for sharing such a personal story….I’m sorry to hear about all the pain you were in, but glad that it seems to be better now :)

  12. Hey Gigi,

    I already suspected you went through Crohn’s or something similar. I have a friend who nearly died before he allowed them to remove his colon. I’m glad you’re doing so well now and supporting healthy eating.

    • :) I try my best every day to not let my ailments drag me down! Part 2 & 3 talk more about how I am doing NOW — And hopefully it will be helpful to a lot of people including your friend. I certainly hope he’s not struggling as badly as he was!

  13. My only potential guess was that you were needing to get your appendix taken out? I don’t know. I’ve been in an ambulance a couple of times both both times wasn’t really conscious of it so no interesting stories to tell…

  14. Oh girl, I sympathize. A ride n the ambulance is never fun. I remember sitting there thinking “Dear Jesus, am I going to die” LOL. Don’t ask. Thanks for sharing something so personal with us. I can’t wait for Part 2.

    Kay of Pure & Complex

  15. UGH!! I can’t imagine being in pain like that – I didn’t realize that you still have such intense pain – that sucks!!! I hope part 2 is soon – sort of a cliff hanger here today!!!

    • Ha Ha! Part TWO coming Friday 😉

      • Yikes I have considered several times ambulance but didn’t think I could be away from the bathroom that long to get to hospital ten minutes away. Have passed out in bathroom from pain. … My at the time ten yr old daughter heard me hit the floor. Embarrassing Also a couple bouts of diverticulosis where I just camped out on bathroom floor but at least my little schnoodle would come and check on me. Like dad always said things never so bad they couldn’t be worse unless of course you’re being taken away in a herse.

        • Kathleen, you and I have a lot of similarities, at least you have your little schnoodle to come check on you, I am typically all alone on my bathroom floor, with my iPhone at least… I try and distract myself by playing games on my phone but that doesn’t always work. Sometimes I just have to lay there with my mouth open, eyes rolling in the back of my head. Ugh. I am sorry you have to deal with such issues too. On part three of my post, I will discuss the things that have helped me take hold of my issues, for the most part at leas, unfortunately though, these pains will never leave forever :(

  16. Ohmahgoodness, you have some intense intestines! Haha. I only can get away with that joke since you said you didn’t want sympathy…not that I even got away with such a lame joke anyway. ; ) I LOVE all the comparisons…wow, we went Africa and ice skating all in the same post. Right on. Sorry about the intern who poked your arm to death, yuck.
    When I was in labor w/Aijah, right before leaving to the hospital, I was stabbing a pen into a pad of paper several times and making swirly shapes in that paper as deeply as possible yelling, ‘This sucks!!!’ Haha. For real. Luckily, I had the epidural pretty quick. Oh, contractions. Honestly, that part was the worst of the whole labor. …okay, ending this topic. Anxious for Friday.

    • OMFG you make me REALLY TRULY NEVER EVER want to have kids! I should show my sister this comment – BAH HA AH! She’s having her first in JUNE, lmfao!!! GOOD LUCK TO HER 😉

      And you’re so right – Ice Skating in Africa… Who would have thought it could happen?!

  17. First off I found you by accident like 100 years ago, you sparked my curiosity and noticed you had a very positive outlook on life. The main thing that has kept me following you was not that your easy to look at your humor and great recipes, it’s your attitude of not quitting. Many people would have said oh poor me and gave up not you. I’m off to work but will be back to continue. :)

    • Wow Rocco, THANK YOU FOR SEEING THIS because it’s true. I am NOT a quitter and will NEVER quit. Even if I get what I want, I set out to accomplish NEW things and won’t quit on them either!!! Sure my stomach hurts x1000 today, but that doesn’t mean I am not making a new video to be posted soon! :) See you Friday!

  18. Dang lady – I wasn’t expecting a cliffhanger…
    I am thinking some sort of allergic reaction…?
    I am lactose intolerant – but, I don’t remember the pain ever waking me up – or hopping a ride to the hospital -on an ambulance….
    Cannot wait to find out more… when’s part 2? Tomorrow?

    • Friday part 2 will come! :) And yes, I am intolerant to MILK as well, it’s the DEVIL!!! ha ha ah. Hence why I NEVER include it in any recipes! 😉

  19. How could being that bloated ever be possible?

  20. I find making noise and particularly rhythmic noises very soothing when I am in pain. I don’t do it in public ’cause others shouldn’t have to listen. In public I will pinch or scratch my arm to distract myself. I have intestine problems although I still have all of mine parts so far.
    I’ll be interested to read Fridays post!

    • I agree with you, rhythmic noises help me too – and actually texting my mother helps too… There is something about mom’s that really help calm us down 😉

  21. OMG hope you are feeling better!

  22. Oh goodness… You even make PAIN funny! How do you do that?
    Let’s see… Pain noises. When I was in labor I took the cue of “low and slow” to heart (I’d learned that in my birthing classes). I sounded like a really, really sad cow. It was awful. Thank God there wasn’t a video/audio recorder in the room!

    • LOL!!! I guess I have a gift of making CRAPTASTICAL TIMES sound amusing??? ah ha ha!

      Perhaps I should sign up for a BIRTHING CLASS so I can prepare myself more for future stomach woos. Oh and funnily enough, you just reminded me – I actually DID record myself crying out in agony when it pain before!

  23. You poor girl! Thank you for sharing your “gut” wrenching story. I agree with a lot of your readers responses about milk, but I feel that way about Quinoa! I am totally intolerant and allergic to quinoa. Also…meat. Maybe you are giving me the courage of telling my horribly gross tale of what happens to me when I eat certain meats. So…if this is an allergic reaction or bacterial reaction, thanks for sharing that we’re not alone. Otherwise, I can’t wait to see what your next post has in store!

    • OH MAN I cannot eat QUINOA either!!! Just the thought of it getting STUCK in my small intestine makes me QUIVER!

      I WOULD LOVE to hear your story!!!!!!! POST IT! Hopefully my series of posts can help you a little bit?! Part 3 will have some tips and tricks as to how I have calmed things down a little bit.

  24. I’m HOOKED and can’t wait for part 2…and give me P. Demps, puh-lease.

  25. I thought I was gluten I tolerate for a month. Turned out I just had a terrible, terrible stomach infection. I felt like that ( okay, I’m sure not as bad as you!) for a month!
    Hope you are better!

  26. Maybe I’m the only one feeling this way but this is the first of your posts that isn’t making me laugh uncontrollably. Not to say you didn’t play it perfectly with your movie references here but I guess deep down I’m too much of a serious person to forget it’s actually your own sad story of food intolerances you’re telling.
    Oh, and Patrick Dempsey would be allowed to cure me any time. Mostly in an urgent case of broken heart ;). Actually, do you think he’d be free right now??

    • I appreciate your not laughing as it really isn’t a laughing matter at all.. However, I always try and poke fun at everything – including my issues, 😉 Life is too too short to take everything too seriously, right?

      And I do think PD might be free right now, I haven’t seen him on the big or small screen recently! He’s waiting for you in his living room – ha ha!

  27. Oh my word! I am wondering what was wrong?! I’ve had IBS and been lactose intolerant since I was a kid. It was much worse back then and I had random outbreaks of pain. Now that I’m older I’ve mostly got it under control. You look like a thriving happy gal so I hope whatever was/is ailing you is under control now too!

    • IBS & Lactose Intolerance are certainly a part of my life too!!! Aren’t the random outbursts of pain, THE WORST :(

      I am beyond thrilled to hear that you have it under control, how do you control it aside from not eating such dairy products…

  28. I have ridiculous stomach issues–I know something is going on but no idea what. Um McDreamy ALL DAY looking forward to part 2.

  29. Eek, sorry for the ordeal so far! I’ve never ridden in an ambulance and really hope I can keep up with avoiding it! When I am in pain, I’m not sure what animal I sound like… but I pretty much sound like a little bitch. Haha! And really, is that even a question on the lady doc… Olivia Wilde all day, every day.

    • Ah ha ha ha ah! I wish there were a “little bitch” animal… I would be so curious as to what it looks like … Well I mean I guess if you think about it, it would just be a small dog??

  30. Jesus. As if I needed more encouragement not to have children…

    My trainer says I make sex noises when I’m doing hack squats. Ummmm… I don’t know how HE has sex, but my sex noises don’t sound like my QUADS are about to explode.

    • LMFAO!! You’re one of those huh?! When I belonged to 24 Hour Fitness there was this dirty old man who would make sex noises when he did squats. I COULD NOT HANDLE IT………. So perhaps we should NEVER work out in the same gym? LOL!

  31. Yikes! :O

    I am so sorry you have to deal with this…looking forward to part II…hopefully you had it remedied???!

    I wonder what causes this…I don’t really think I make noise while I’m in pain…I tend to hold my breath until my face feels like its about to pop…or I’ll just yell at everyone and everything…ok, ok maybe I do both – yell in between holding breaths.

    • LOL! Yelling and holding your breath – sounds like me a lot too, ha ha ah! 😉

      Part 3 will have some tips/tricks/remedies that have helped me overcome some of my pain – part 2 exposes what exactly happens! I am sad to hear you experience stomach issues too!

  32. WHOA.



    I love the way you weave a tale….not matter what the tale be about :0)

  33. YESSSSS. Finally ur sharing it here! :)

  34. oooh, my goodness – hate this for you. When I’m in pain I make noises that start with F and S

  35. Oh my goodness I can’t even imagine what that pain must have felt like! I’m excited for the next part of the story!

  36. I hate that you leave us hanging. But I believe I have felt your exact pain. Intestinal issues are horrible!!!

    • OH NO! I would love to hear your story!!! I will post part 2 on Friday and part 3 will have tips and tricks as to what has been helping me!

  37. Wow! You’re amazing GG. I don’t know how I would have reacted to that pain. Can’t wait for the next installment. Take care.

    • Aw thank you Abigail!! Not sure I am all THAT amazing 😉 I just know I have a high pain tolerance at this point, lol!

  38. I love you. Lack of intestine and all!

  39. Oi! Don’t stomach pains Sound IIke fun, I’m sorry you had to go through that! And to top it off the intern couldn’t get the needle in…:(

  40. I’ve given birth twice and I wouldn’t think it’s as painful as what you describe. Plus you get to keep a baby at the end!
    Ah, you poor dear. I want to read more!! At least I know how you ended up – fantastic!

    • Oh well that’s good to hear – I will tell my sister that when she gives birth… it’s like a merry-go-round! 😉

  41. This makes me very very sad. I don’t want my GiGi in ANY Pain! BUT this is not pitty I’m sending you, because you are WAY TOO STRONG for pitty. This is positive vibes that everything will be a-okay. I do have an issue with this though… why you gotta make a girl wait until Friday to hear the rest?! I’m on the edge of my seat concerned about to fly out to CA to rescue you and you want me to wait until Fri? Not.Cool. 😉

    • MAYBE I SHOULD make you wait indefinitely….. SO YOU DO FLY OUT TO CALI!! 😉

      Oh but look at that, tomorrow is FRIDAY!

  42. Sounds awful! As in really, really awful. Painful. And just no fun. But it make it sound so funny! Sorry, but I laughed a few times (and of course know you wanted me to). Did you get video of your ambulance ride? 😉 Can’t wait for Part 2. Hurry!

  43. Ugg you poor thing! If you feel anything like that Octomom looks, I just cannot. even.

  44. You dear. This sounds like the worst. You though…are the best.

    I know what those fun ambulance rides are like. And animal noises…probably a panting cheetah.

  45. I think my stomach just started hurting a little in sympathy pains as I read this…. OUCH!

    Oh, I loved Izzie Stevens! Back in the day, Grey’s Anatomy was my favorite show. My college roommates and I would watch it together every week!

    • I really cannot believe Grey’s is STILL ON TV… It is, right?!?!?!! Baffling to me! lol! I loved Desperate Housewives!

  46. I have been taken to the hospital via ambulance because I was have some serious arrhythmias. When I reached the hospital my heart rate went back to normal sinus rhythm. To make a long story short, I found out from my doctor a week later that I had a tumor on my thyroid and it was making me suffer from hyperthyroidism. I have to check in to see what happened to you. #wowlinkup

  47. I KNow you have mentioned some of your issues in your posts thru the years but not going thru it all in detail & I look forward to reading more. I am just sad you had to go thru this & maybe still are…. thank you for sharing!!! Vivid pictures in my head from your words!!! :O

    • I am glad I can create VIVID pictures in your head because I don’t really have all that many pictures from the whole experience…… :( or maybe :) because I was NOT a pretty sight lol!

  48. Definitely George Clooney to save me…hands down!!!

    YES YES YES I have felt super bloated before…and I made a few changes to the diet, started taking probiotics, and it has gotten better on most days! Can’t wait to see this story unfold

  49. Isn’t it nice to see that you can laugh about it all now? I can’t even imagine…

  50. Holy shit. I’m about to click on Part 2 but I just had to say that haha.

  51. Goodness! Hope you are feeling better! When I am in pain I swear….lots of F bombs..

  52. I don’t have a lot of medical history, but all of it that I do have involves someone who is “learning” and the result is always bruises all up and down my arm. I feel for you.

  53. I’m boiling a pot of tea, grabbing a chair, and stalking the heck out of your site for the next few days. As somebody who was just diagnosed with what my doctor called “the worst case of UC I’ve ever seen,” I’m seeing a lot I can relate to here. Only when I went to the ER, I was told I was having my period and to avoid gluten because it’s impossible to have intestinal pain as the intestines have no nerves in them. I was kicked loose with Zolfran to stop the puking and iron pills. So yeah. LoL!

    • OMFG – EMAIL ME! We need to chat… But also, feel free to stalk my site too 😉

      gigieatscelebrities at gmail dot com!!

  54. Hello GiGi! I’m so sorry to hear that you’re suffering with so much pain. Yikes! I can’t wait to read part two. I hope there’s a happy ending to this story.
    When I’m in severe pain I tend to sound like a peacock. Google ‘peacock screaming’ and you’ll see what I mean.
    I hope you’re feeling much better. Have a great weekend!

    • LMFAO! Going to google peacock screaming RIGHT NOW – so I can blare it and scare the person next to me, LOL!

  55. Barb @ A Life in Balance says:

    Thank you for contributing to Motivational Monday!

  56. Catching up because I read your posts out of order (yay for bein’ a rebel!?), but I’m glad you have an amazing support system and such an awesome sense of humor! I’m sorry you had to deal with all this pain, but you are a trooper for truckin’ through!

  57. Hi GiGi,
    Bravo! You are helping a lot of people by communicating your candid experiences.I have been rushed to the emergency room in an ambulance myself! Thank you for sharing health challenges with us at the Healthy, Happy, Green and Natural Party Blog Hop! I’m pinning and sharing!

  58. Barb @ A Life in Balance says:

    Thank you for contributing to Motivation Monday!

  59. OMG..I’m on to part two….

  60. I’m getting caught up on this series! Yes, I know that feeling of a) watching my stomach blow up like a balloon and b) rolling around in pain and thinking I should go to the hospital but wondering if I am being overly dramatic. Thinking back I should’ve gone – suffering through that was terrible!

    • This night was far different than any other night of rolling in pain… I could just tell – I listened to my gut??? LOL!