There is no doubt in my mind that when you wander through the aisles of your local grocery store…

You wonder if…

You’ll see a completely HAMMERED Tony the Tiger juggling bananas while jumping on a trampoline.

Oh wait… Just me?

But in all “seriousness”… You probably ponder…

• Whether or not that bag of eye-catching chocolate covered “skinny” popcorn is actually tasty…
• If you should risk it and buy that fruit and grain no-mess snack for the moments when you’re stuck in traffic and about to gnaw your arm off out of hunger…
• Or why the bleepity bleep people are eating green sheets of crunchy tissue paper and calling it snack food.

Alas… You then look at the price tag of said “healthier” munchy options and… Food erection… GONE!

You blink a few dozen times… Thinking you need to head to the ophthalmologist to get your eyes checked because those price tags cannot be right… 

Why aren’t those “el cheapo” reading glasses sold in aisle five, dammit!

ALMOST $2 for a 10 gram packet of nori squares… A teeny tiny pouch filled with air and stuff gathered from the sea… Is really NOT worth that price... ESPECIALLY IF you have NO IDEA if you will actually enjoy it… And if you’re like the majority of the world… You will probably think those seaweed snacks taste about as good as swallowing a cup full of sewage.

I on the other hand… Snack on nori like I am getting paid to do so. I wish I were getting paid. I would make MILLIONS BILLIONS!!! Anyone looking for a professional seaweed eater?

Ugh… Indeed.com and Monster.com don’t seem to list “professional sea vegetable eater” as a type of job to apply for.

What is my life about?!

Don’t you worry… I am not about to have an identity crisis over this sad, sad, sad realization because THANKFULLY I am pretty confident with what’s going on in my world… Which includes…

Forcing THIS DUDE…

To taste-test a whole bunch of these “healthy” nibbles you’re losing sleep over, so as to save you your hard earned coinage.

When I was at the Natural Food Expo… I walked around that BONANZA with a few re-useable shopping sacks (WOO WOO… Eco-friendly me!) and basically swept the goodies into my bags… Like a house cleaner simply doing the tasks asked of her.

But wait… I was doing my job…

As you know at this point (although if you’re a new reader, YOU DON’T)… I cannot eat a lot of foods… So um, why the heck would I gather such fare like raisin-studded wannabe English muffins…  Or pretzels that look like bagel chips…

FOR YOU…

And because I really wanted to see my Chick-Fil-A loving fiance gag…

YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO SEE THAT TOO… And then take note as to which foods you should just quit eye flirting with at the grocery store.

So click play…

So Tell Me…

• What was the last thing you put in your mouth that made you gag?
• What “healthy” snack food have you been dying to try? Why haven’t you tried it yet?
• Are you a self-proclaimed “professional seaweed eater” like me?
• When you’re tempted to eat your arm… Aka: when you’re hungry AF… What do you chow down on? 
• Have you seen my fiance’s YouTube channel… He’s a pretty funny giraffe, if you didn’t already get that from our video!