Who here craves…

Monosodium glutamate mixed with some moist tapioca dextrin and succulent dimethylpolysiloxane…

Piled high with…

TBHQ, ammonium sulfate, liquid yeast, palm kernel oil, cheese culture, oleoresin and caramel color…

Oh and lettuce, yes, lettuce too… But of course.

Um.

Didn’t your grade-school chemistry professor tell you to NOT ingest any chemicals?

Then why in DA FAK are so many FOAMING at the mouth for the juicy poison I described above?

Think about this….

Wanting to nosh on that amalgamation is pretty much the equivalent of taking a few bites of the ever so tasty Lindsey Lohan.

She is the chemical twin of the number FOUR at Chick-Fil-A (with EXTRA Chick-Fil-A sauce)!

Perhaps she should be dubbed: Spicy Chicken Sandwich Deluxe… Well, I mean, people have called her FIRE CROTCH in the past, so I guess that’s pretty close…

And she actually sort of looks like this sandwich…

Any who… What I am getting at here is, YIKES!

Obviously (oh please tell me it’s obvious!) ALL fast food isn’t exactly your heart’s BFF…

However… I am focusing on Chick-Fil-A because… It needs to be “Justin Biebered“… Or in other words: ROASTED. 

Actually if Chick-Fil-A quit coating their chicken in processed white garbage and then dunking it in a jacuzzi full of soybean oil, and roasted it instead, THAT would be a step in the right direction in terms of healthifying it. 

But since it’s more likely that you’ll see an octopus doing the Macarena in the Sahara Desert… I decided to take matters into my own hands and try to create a version of Chick-Fil-A‘s beloved Spicy Chicken Deluxe Sandwich… That won’t have your liver calling an ambulance for your heart. 

To see just how I transformed Lindsey Lohan the sandwich … Take a look at the latest GiGi Eats. I even was able to wrangle in Chick-Fil-A’s # 1 Fan to do a side by side comparison… And he has a lot to “cluck” about…

THIS CHICK GETS A MAKEOVER… 

Roll 1.25 lbs of Chicken in…

• 1/2 cup coconut flour
• 1/4 cup cassava flour (Otto’s Naturals)
• 2 tsp paprika
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tsp onion powder
• 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• pinch of salt
• 1 cup pickle juice
• lettuce
• dill pickles 
• 1/2 cup coconut oil (for pan frying)

For the Chicken’s Bath:

• 2 eggs
• 1/2 cup unsweetened coconut milk
• a dash of salt and pepper

GiGi-Approved Chick-Fil-A Sauce ingredients:

• 1 pasteurized egg
• 3 tbs yellow mustard
• 1 tbs sugar-free “honey” (Nature’s Hollow Xylitol Honey)
• 1 tsp sugar-free BBQ sauce (Xyla Xylitol BBQ Sauce)
• 1/2 tsp garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp paprika
• 1 tsp lemon juice

Don’t be a CHICKEN and make this CHICKEN…

• Marinate the chicken breasts in 1 cup of pickle juice for at least an hour. I marinated it over night. 
• Mix all seasonings and flours together in a shallow dish and set aside. 
• Whisk together the eggs and coconut milk and set aside. 
• Drain the chicken and dip the cutlets into the egg/milk bath and then dredge it into the seasoned flour. Set aside. 
• In a shallow skillet, heat 2 – 3 generous tablespoons of coconut oil until liquid and place cutlets into oil. Cook roughly 4 minutes per side. Add more coconut oil if the pan starts to dry out. 
• Remove chicken from heat. Construct with a grain-free, sugar-free, paleo bun… Or whatever you’d like… How about a spicy chicken burger salad? And… START PECKING! 

 

So tell me… 

• Have you ever tried to re-create a Fast Food favorite? Was it a WIN or a FAIL?
• If you could marry a Fast Food restaurant, which one would it be and why? 
• Do you like spicy? 
• What would you do is Lindsay Lohan knocked on your door? 
• Have you ever eaten a tasty sponge? 
• Are you a die-hard “Chick-Fil-A-er”? 
• What’s the WORST NICKNAME you’ve ever been called?! BOY DO I HAVE SOME BAD ONES!