Some EXTREME [food] PORN is about to ensue…
I warn you, what you’re about to observe may make you open your mouth and drop your pants.
So if you’re HANGRY… By the end of scanning these photos, you might be hiring a hit man to off me!
While it may look like all I did in New Zealand and Australia [check out the recap of my trip here] was explore the sights… My mouth ACTUALLY did a bulk of the “probing” when I was there!
I don’t typically like to share my food, because I am a selfish donkey… But, I decided, since I love all of you so much, I would…
Dragon is a delicacy in New Zealand!
These chicks have some amazingly juicy legs.
Looks like grilled monkey brains but it’s not… It’s carved squid.
On Guard…
And no, I didn’t post the same photo twice… I decided that I wasn’t full after my first entree, so I ordered another! You should have seen the shock and awe on our waitresses face… Quite comical if you ask me!
In LA I cannot go more than… AN HOUR… Without scarfing the Shawarma… But I wound up only getting it ONCE in two weeks!
New Zealand and Australia served as my shawarma rehab… However, since being back in LA… I have relapsed!
This beauty did a disappearing act…
So then I finished Laurel’s dish…
Can I just say, I HATED this stupid salad.
I asked the woman who gave it to me where the chicken was… And she said, “it’s there… ARE YOU VEGAN?”
NO BITCH, I am NOT… If I am paying $12 for a salad, I want some damn animal protein on it… Not that crunchy shit!
I wound up order some chicken skewers. When I finished eating, I was hungrier than when I walked in the restaurant.
I love salt. Love it. Love it. Love it. I don’t know why they gave me edamame because I ordered SALT!
I made love to this…
This right here is a staple order of mine… Salmon Skin Handrolls… Salmon skin, no rice, no sauce, no veggies… Well, they gave me a fuck ton of avocado, so I took it out and scarfed the more like salmon belly as if the world was ending, and then I ordered two more [because thankfully the world actually wasn’t ending!].
You order tempura fried ice cream for dessert… I order grilled unagi.
This was not a stupid salad.
In fact, it was a very smart salad. Under those greens were lots and lots of olives and sun-dried tomatoes… And I wound up taking Laurel’s chicken Laurel wound up giving me a few pieces of her chicken [not shown]… SUCH A GOOD FRIEND!
The salt lick…
I am a creature of habit…
Venison… Meat from the angels.
My day is complete…
Wait… No, now it is.
Love me a ROUND TWO!
This was not enough to fill this fish murderer…
So a second appetizer was in order… Cause that’s WHAT I DO!
And for the main event, I said TO HELL WITH MERCURY… I am going for the swordfish.
The selenium in the fish cancels out the toxic metal, RIGHT?!?!
Remember my mentioning a $90 dinner I had in Sydney? Well above is part one…
And these suckers… Part two.
I tried to share this salmon head with Arman…
But I wound up helping HIM with his EPIC feast…
That octopus though…
Since I was still stuffed from lunch… I had a light dinner…
Bay Bugs, sashimi and some roughage… That goupy sauce… Yeah, I didn’t touch that crap! Looks straight out of a horror film, or a gorilla’s ass!
And had this for dessert. You likey Brittany?
THIS RIGHT HERE = Breakfast of champions! I thought was going to be taken away from me at the Sydney Airport!
I would have cried. NO JOKE!
If my plane crashed… At least my last meal was FUCKING OUT OF THIS WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually, I am sure aliens don’t even eat this AMAZING of food!
Back in Auckland, I had this feast… That didn’t fill me up… So I ordered another round of those chicken skewers!
I am sure you’re all catching on to the fact that I like to order entrees as desserts!
My last lunch in Auckland… Laurel gave me a shrimp kabob [not shown]. The salmon kabob looks pathetic but it was SCRUMPTIOUS!
And my LAST MEAL in New Zealand w[at the airport]… I am ALWAYS prepared with canned seafood JUST IN CASE and… OH IT WAS NECESSARY!
My flight was at 10:45pm… And the only restaurant in the airport – BURGER KING.
Those two salads back there… BURGER KING!
NEVER in my ENTIRE LIFE HAVE I GIVEN MONEY TO A BURGER KING… BUT I WANTED SOME GREENS!
PS: I ate another small can of tuna after that… I knew I was going to be fasting for at least 18 hours… So I needed to LOAD UP!
Can you guess what my first meal back in the states was??
Five salmon skin hand rolls [no rice, sauce or veggies], two anago hand rolls [no rice, sauce or veggies], shishito peppers and “The House Roll” aka: salmon, tuna and yellowtail with avocado wrapped in cucumber.
Oh and EXTRA GINGER! I HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH GINGER… But not Ginger Men. Sorry boys!
So there you have it… Almost ALL [sometimes I ate canned fish when on the go] of my marvelously scrumptious eats that make me wish I had a time machine, so I could go back and re-eat them… Over and over and over again!
New Zealand and Australia (and my wallet) fed me quite well!
Oddly enough though… Australians ADORE McDonalds! I don’t think they realize how amazing their food is! #FAIL
So tell me…
- Do you recall the most epic feast you’ve ever had? If truly was EPIC you would!
- Tell me your favorite type of fish, if you eat fish…
- What meal would you have liked to have shared with me… Or murdered me for considering I do NOT share my food.
- Do you like GINGER?
- When eating out, do you modify menu items to cater to your desires?
- Would you be okay with an Octopus giving you a hug?
PS: Weird tidbit – I did not experience a stomach ache even ONCE when traveling down under [hip hip HORAY] but since being back in the states… Non-stop nausea. It’s a conspiracy!
