I am about to KICK this OFF by BLINDSIDING you.

I do not FULLY BACK football.

I know this information is rather BLITZ-ing because last year roughly 115 million people (on that final Sunday of the football season) watched men ram into each other…

And the average number of people who yell at the TV screen during any one pigskin fumbling game is no less than 19 million (blame Google if these numbers are wrong).

Sure… A game with TIGHT ENDS should HOOK any heterosexual woman, which, by those statistics… It sounds like it does…

Look at that meaty booty goooo…

But this girl… I’m no ELIGIBLE RECEIVER.

It’s probably because I cannot sit in one place for more than 10 seconds… Dare I call my football “watching” ways a FALSE START?

Let me see if I can twist that football term into my football “watching” habits…

Here goes: I sit next to whoever is eagerly watching those thick and brawny dudes in tight pants, about to demolish one another purely to try and capture that “hot potato”... I then look at the TV screen… And realize… Ew. It’s the game where men basically ASK to be beaten up… And the second right before the ~~field goal~~ kick off… I get up and leave.

I just can’t.

Another aspect that I “just can’t” with when it comes to this game…

YERPPPPPP.

Dare I say: I JUST CAN’T… EVEN?

Those traditional football snack foods (I’m FLAGGING you Hot Cheetos, Nachos, Pizza Bites, Hot Dogs, Cinnamon Sticks with Icing, and BEER… Lots of BEER) are totally in THE RED ZONE.

Ohhh… Look at me throwing out more football lingo.

You’d think I were actually the biggest soccer fan ever…

Wait… Football is soccer in Europe. Soccer here is soccer. Ah. I f*cked this one up. Definitely didn’t score a HOME RUN in convincing all of you I know WTF I am talking about.

And… HOME RUNS are only in baseball.

FAIL.

Moving on to something I ACTUALLY know a thing or two about…

Eating healthfully.

Yeah. The point I was trying to make earlier… Before my brain interrupted me with a tangent… Eating healthfully does NOT typically happen when these sorts of sporting events are watched/observed/yelled at.

No clue why… Oh wait, yes I do… The world has an unhealthy food addiction, DUH… I also know (after asking Google, but of course) that roughly 2,200 calories are consumed by the average football watcher… During ONE Superbowl… And that number INCREASES if the team said average watcher was rooting for… LOSES.

There is something else that LOSES during football games… Celery sticks. Carrot Sticks. Crudite platters.

Which is why the recipe I am PASSING your way (to hopefully SUBSTITUTE some of your current snacks)… Is nothing of the sort. Nope.

However… IT IS far healthier than cheeseburger crust pizza….

So now… I HAND OFF the recipe to you… So you yourself can score a TOUCHDOWN on Superbowl Sunday!

FRIED Paleo Spring Rolls

1/2 lb of Ground Wild Boar
1/2 Medium Jicama, Shaved
1 Medium Carrot, Shaved
2 – 3 Tablespoons Pickled Ginger, Diced
1 Handful of Spinach, Roughly Chopped
1 Egg
Salt & Pepper, To Taste
1 Paleo Wrap
1 Nori Sheet
2 – 3 Tbs Avocado Oil
Coconut Aminos, optional
Tamari Sauce, optional

To find out what “the play” is on these rolls… CLICK HERE!

Not a spring roll fan?!

NOT TO WORRY… I’ve got some other GiGi-approved Football Snacks:

SO TELL ME…

If you were to PLOW YOUR FACE into an array of football snacks, what would you go to first?
What are your thoughts about football?
Will you be watching the game?
If not, what will you be doing instead?
What dish will you be bringing to the Superbowl Party you’re going to (if you do go to one)?
Are you rooting for a specific team?
Fun Fact (if you care about this game): Apparently I am related (through marriage) to one of the Falcons.

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Rollin’ With These Spring Rolls

FAIL.

FRIED Paleo Spring Rolls

To find out what “the play” is on these rolls… CLICK HERE!

SO TELL ME…