Typically when I talk about cows…
- Explaining the differences between grass-fed/finished and grain-fed/finished bovine (grass-fed/finished beef for the win)…
- Making fart jokes… Reminding everyone that my immaturity mirrors that of a 9-year old a lot of the time…
- Regaling over the succulent meat of these cud-chewing milking machines, when I realize it’s cooked to perfection after sinking my teeth into it…
Now before all of you who don’t eat meat immediately click the X on the GiGi Eats Celebrities tab in your browser out of utter disgust thanks to the thought of my masticating a dead cow now popping into your head… I can assure you that my talk of cows, one cow specifically actually, in this post and YouTube video has NOTHING to do with a juicy burger topped with sliced avocado and strands of caramelized onions.
Now to those who love themselves a sloppy burger… My apologies for not tantalizing your taste buds with a sexy recipe for burgers this week… Perhaps in the next few weeks… Hint, hint… Nudge. Nudge.
The heifer I want to discuss, who (sadly) does not resemble that PLUMP tomato atop that flawless burger I now have myself craving, is a lil’ guy my husband, Landon, and I dubbed: Tucker Rumpleton…
While I am going to force you to watch the next installment of my trip to Africa (Part Two), where Landon and I travel to the Masai Mara Game Reserve (from Laikipia) on the Kenya/Tanzania border… So as to know what in the heavenly beef burger I am talking about… I will preface the video by saying the case of the disappearing cow named Tucker Rumpleton may never be solved.
Doesn’t this mystery entice you to press play?
Well now shoot! Maybe I should have pitched my series of Africa travelogue videos to Netflix, instead of just uploading them to YouTube. I hear Netflix accepts ALL CONTENT that’s presented to the head honchos these days (I mean, have you SEEN some of the crap on their Rolodex of entertainment?)…
Now it’s your turn to come up with a scenario but in order to do that… Pressing play (and good WiFi) is mandatory!
WARNING: Some adult language spews out of Landon’s mouth in this video… So maybe turn the volume down a tad bit.
With all that being said, and now that you’ve watched the video (right? haha)… It seems as though Landon might actually know the truth about where Tucker currently resides and what he’s been up to, for he penned a letter to our “sticky” bud (see below). Too bad snail mail is a thing of the past, or else, I would just look at the address written on the envelope… And the case would be solved!
My Dearest Tucker Rumpleton,
If you are reading this note, you have somehow become the first cow in history to learn how to read and for this, I applaud you with great zest.
Last I left you-you were face down in the mud and with my gigantic muscles, I pulled you to safety or at least to some less sticky ground… It’s crazy to think that was almost a month ago and I will forever regret just leaving you there, however, you may not know this but I returned to the spot I found you the following day and noticed you had grown the muster to retreat out of harm’s way.
I’m sure that by now you’ve probably taken your company public and are riding on the amazing tax breaks that our great president Trump signed into law. I know for a fact that you will be bringing your business to our shores soon. I expect on your next business trip to Los Angeles, that we share a meal, a drink, and a hearty laugh as you regale me of your heroic night at the watering hole having survived an almost insurmountable leopard attack.
No doubt by now you’ve learned karate and mastered the art of a souffle that doesn’t collapse. And because of these abilities, I’m sure this note finds you buried in a pile of naked Instagram “models” and that is truly the only reason that I find shame in you to this day. Instagram models are not real people. But you, Tucker, you are. You have more heart than the leopard that surely wanted you for supper. May all your suppers from this day forward be served with a generous portion of Vicodin and antibiotics that you probably need for your injuries that you sustained the day I met you.
Please send nudes.
Love your very best friend,
SO TELL ME…
- When you talk about cows, what do you generally say about them?
- Have you ever tried to save a dying animal before?
- By the way, MUCH MORE than just Tucker Rumpleton happens in PART TWO of our African Adventures, have you ever been on a hot air balloon or had monkeys steal your clothing before?
- Out of all the dishes you saw in PART TWO, which one looked the most delicious!?
- What are you currently watching on Netflix that isn’t crappy?
- Do you think I should buy Landon a baby cow for his birthday (which would mean we would also need to buy a barn as well…) or just a cheeseburger?
BY THE WAY… If you are interested in exploring Africa… But are overwhelmed with where to even start? Contact, FIRST LIGHT SAFARIS… Seriously planned EVERYTHING for us… Wait, maybe Tucker was THEIR PLANT… Because the company wanted to add another memorable experience to our adventure!
Oh and PS: we stayed at KICHECHE CAMPS! Check em out!